Are you a parent dealing with a defiant, belligerent at risk teenager and you are at your wit’s end - It may be time to think about intervention. It is out of love that we seek to give our teens a second opportunity in life. If it is obvious they are escalating in a downward path, as a parent, it is our responsibility to find help. Whether it is seeking local therapy or support groups, or taking the major step of residential boarding schools - be a proactive parent.
If you are debating residential therapy for your teen, learn more about this extremely daunting and confusing industry.
Yes, you need to get help - but educate yourself first.
Learn more about Wit’s End at http://www.witsendbook.com/ and author Sue Scheff at http://www.suescheff.com/ -the response has been overwhelming!
If you are struggling with your teen today - pick up Wit’s End and learn more!
For a quick read, check out http://www.aparentstruestory.com/ - the foundation of Wit’s End!
Showing posts with label out of control teens. Show all posts
Showing posts with label out of control teens. Show all posts
Friday, February 20, 2009
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Parents Universal Resource Experts - Sue Scheff - Drug Free America
Parenting today has become more challenging than ever. Social Networking is expanding a new area of concern for parents - and today more than ever, parents need to be informed and keep updated about substance abuse, teen drug use, huffing, drinking, inhalant use and other harmful habits. Peer pressure, the need to fit in - combined with kids suffering with low self esteem can lead to negative behavior.
Stay informed - visit http://www.drugfree.org/ to keep yourself educated.
The Partnership for a Drug-Free America is a nonprofit organization that unites parents, renowned scientists and communications professionals to help families raise healthy children. Best known for its research-based national public education programs, the Partnership motivates and equips parents to prevent their children from using drugs and alcohol, and to find help and treatment for family and friends in trouble. The centerpiece of this effort is an online resource center at drugfree.org, featuring interactive tools that translate the latest science and research on teen behavior, addiction and treatment into easy to understand tips and tools. Research conducted by AP and MTV recently showed that kids see their parents as heroes— at drugfree.org, parents can connect with each other, tap into expert advice for children of all ages, and find the support they want and need in their role as hero to their kids. The Partnership depends on donations from individuals, corporations, foundations and other contributors. The Partnership thanks SAG/AFTRA, the advertising industry and our media partners for their ongoing generosity.
Stay informed - visit http://www.drugfree.org/ to keep yourself educated.
The Partnership for a Drug-Free America is a nonprofit organization that unites parents, renowned scientists and communications professionals to help families raise healthy children. Best known for its research-based national public education programs, the Partnership motivates and equips parents to prevent their children from using drugs and alcohol, and to find help and treatment for family and friends in trouble. The centerpiece of this effort is an online resource center at drugfree.org, featuring interactive tools that translate the latest science and research on teen behavior, addiction and treatment into easy to understand tips and tools. Research conducted by AP and MTV recently showed that kids see their parents as heroes— at drugfree.org, parents can connect with each other, tap into expert advice for children of all ages, and find the support they want and need in their role as hero to their kids. The Partnership depends on donations from individuals, corporations, foundations and other contributors. The Partnership thanks SAG/AFTRA, the advertising industry and our media partners for their ongoing generosity.
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Sue Scheff: Preventing Addiction - by John Fleming
How can concerned parents predict if their kids will become addicted to drugs or alcohol? With the effect of media and the current wide availability of addicting drugs, parents face more challenges raising children than ever before. Opinions vary on the question of who will become addicted. Some think that people become addicted because of their heredity, while others think addiction is not a disease at all, just a weakness of will.
Visit http://www.johncfleming.com/ for more information.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Sue Scheff: Teen Peer Pressure
Peer Pressure leads to "Good Teens Making Bad Choices" which is very common today.
Teen Peer Pressure can be extremely damaging to a pre-teen or teen that is desperately trying to fit in somewhere – anywhere in their school. They are not sure what group they belong in, and those that are suffering with low self esteem can end up fitting more comfortably with the less than desirable peers. This can be the beginning of a downward spiral. When a child doesn’t have confidence of who they are or where they belong, it can lead to the place that is easiest to fit in – usually the not the best crowd.
Keeping your child involved in activities such as sports, music and school clubs can help give them a place where they belong. We always encourage parents to find the one thing that truly interests their child, whether it is a musical instrument, swimming, golf, diving, dance, chess club, drama, etc. It is important to find out what their interests are and help them build on it. Encourage them 100%. They don’t need to be the next Tiger Woods, but they need to enjoy what they are doing and keep busy doing it. Staying busy in a constructive way is always beneficial.
It is very common with many parents that contact us that their child has fallen into the wrong crowd and has become a follower rather than a leader. They are making bad choices, choices they know better however the fear of not fitting in with their friends sways them to make the wrong decisions. Low self esteem can attribute to this behavior, and if it has escalated to a point of dangerous situations such as legal issues, substance use, gang related activity, etc. it may be time to seek outside help. Remember, don’t be ashamed of this, it is very common today and you are not alone. So many parents believe others will think it is a reflection of their parenting skills, however with today’s society; the teen peer pressure is stronger than it ever has been. The Internet explosion combined with many teens Entitlement Issues has made today’s generation a difficult one to understand.
It is so important to find the right fit for your child if you are seeking residential treatment. We always encourage *local adolescent counseling prior to any Residential Treatment Programs or Boarding schools, however this is not always necessary. Many parents have an instinct when their child is heading the wrong direction. It is an intuition only a parent can detect. If something doesn't seem right, it usually isn't. If your gut is talking to you, you may want to listen or investigate what your child is doing. Parents need to understand that teen peer pressure can influence adolescents in negative ways. Do you know who your child’s friends are?
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff) Binge Drinking and Teens
“There’s this idea that drinking, getting drunk, being a part of a group … is somehow a part of our growing up, and everybody’s going to do it.”
– Robert Margolis, Ph.D., clinical psychologist
Binge drinking is considered to be a rite of passage for teenagers across the country. “I drank a liter of tequila in an hour, and I went to this pizza place, and I passed out in the parking lot. I woke up the next morning,” remembers Cleophus Randolph, a 22-year-old college student.
Suzanne Graham had a similar experience: “This summer I went kind of crazy, the summer after senior year, I passed out in someone’s backyard. It was not good, and I was throwing up pretty heavily the next day and all that night.”
The consequences can range from sickness to far worse — “where they don’t get a second chance because they get alcohol poisoning. Their heart rate and their body metabolism slows down and, for whatever reason, they don’t recover from it. If you drink enough alcohol you die,” explains Dr. Robert Margolis, clinical psychologist.
His advice is to set clear boundaries for your children. Tell them what to expect, teach them how to say no, and, most of all, start early. He says middle school is the perfect time. “Those are the years when you really need to start talking about those messages, so you can help them form appropriate expectations about drinking, particularly in regard to important issues like, you can be accepted without having to drink.”
Dr. Margolis empathizes with parents who feel they’re standing alone against a part of the culture that believes teenage drinking is inevitable. “There’s this idea that drinking, getting drunk, being a part of a group, that we’re all gonna go out and get drunk, is somehow a part of our growing up, and everybody’s going to do it.”
And, sadly every year some kids die — an estimated 1,400 students die from alcohol related causes. Another 500,000 suffer serious injuries. In fact, getting “wasted” is so common that some kids even think it’s funny, like 18-year-old Jason Morgan: “I’ve had friends just outside the door, heaving. It wasn’t bad, it was a good time for most, and entertaining for the sober people to laugh at them, so it was pretty fun.”
Tips for Parents
– Robert Margolis, Ph.D., clinical psychologist
Binge drinking is considered to be a rite of passage for teenagers across the country. “I drank a liter of tequila in an hour, and I went to this pizza place, and I passed out in the parking lot. I woke up the next morning,” remembers Cleophus Randolph, a 22-year-old college student.
Suzanne Graham had a similar experience: “This summer I went kind of crazy, the summer after senior year, I passed out in someone’s backyard. It was not good, and I was throwing up pretty heavily the next day and all that night.”
The consequences can range from sickness to far worse — “where they don’t get a second chance because they get alcohol poisoning. Their heart rate and their body metabolism slows down and, for whatever reason, they don’t recover from it. If you drink enough alcohol you die,” explains Dr. Robert Margolis, clinical psychologist.
His advice is to set clear boundaries for your children. Tell them what to expect, teach them how to say no, and, most of all, start early. He says middle school is the perfect time. “Those are the years when you really need to start talking about those messages, so you can help them form appropriate expectations about drinking, particularly in regard to important issues like, you can be accepted without having to drink.”
Dr. Margolis empathizes with parents who feel they’re standing alone against a part of the culture that believes teenage drinking is inevitable. “There’s this idea that drinking, getting drunk, being a part of a group, that we’re all gonna go out and get drunk, is somehow a part of our growing up, and everybody’s going to do it.”
And, sadly every year some kids die — an estimated 1,400 students die from alcohol related causes. Another 500,000 suffer serious injuries. In fact, getting “wasted” is so common that some kids even think it’s funny, like 18-year-old Jason Morgan: “I’ve had friends just outside the door, heaving. It wasn’t bad, it was a good time for most, and entertaining for the sober people to laugh at them, so it was pretty fun.”
Tips for Parents
Young people who binge drink could be risking serious damage to their brains now and increasing memory loss later in adulthood. Adolescents may be even more vulnerable to brain damage from excessive drinking than older drinkers. Consider the following:
The average girl takes her first sip of alcohol at age 13. The average boy takes his first sip of alcohol at age 11.
Underage drinking causes over $53 billion in criminal, social and health problems.
Seventy-seven percent of young drinkers get their liquor at home, with or without permission.
Students who are binge drinkers in high school are three times more likely to binge drink in college.
Nearly 25 percent of college students report frequent binge drinking, that is, they binged three or more times in a two-week period.
Autopsies show that patients with a history of chronic alcohol abuse have smaller, less massive and more shrunken brains.
Alcohol abstinence can lead to functional and structural recovery of alcohol-damaged brains.
Alcohol is America’s biggest drug problem. Make sure your child understands that alcohol is a drug and that it can kill him/her. Binge drinking is far more pervasive and dangerous than boutique pills and other illicit substances in the news. About 1,400 students will die of alcohol-related causes this year. An additional 500,000 will suffer injuries.
A study by the Harvard School of Public Health showed that 51 percent of male college students and 40 percent of female college students engaged in binge drinking in the previous two weeks. Half of these drinkers binged frequently (more than three times per week). College students who binge drink report:
Interruptions in sleep or study habits (71 percent).
Caring for an intoxicated student (57 percent).
Being insulted or humiliated (36 percent).
An unwanted sexual experience (23 percent).
A serious argument (23 percent).
Damaging property (16 percent).
Being pushed, hit or assaulted (11 percent).
Being the victim of a sexual advance assault or date rape (1 percent).
Students must arrive on college campuses with the ability to resist peer pressure and knowing how to say no to alcohol. For many youngsters away from home for the first time, it is difficult to find the courage to resist peer pressure and the strength to answer peer pressure with resounding no. Parents should foster such ability in their child's early years and nurture it throughout adolescence. Today’s youth needs constant care from parents and community support to make the best decisions for their wellbeing.
References
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
Harvard School of Public Health
National Youth Violence Prevention Center
Saturday, July 5, 2008
Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff) Gun Violence
By Connect with Kids
After a decade of decline, the number of children killed by gun fire has increased, according to the report Protect Children, Not Guns. This report from the Children’s Defense Fund, used data from the Center for Disease Control and Prevention, to compile this list of statistics:
3,006 children and teens died from gunfire in the United States in 2005—one child or teen every three hours, eight every day, 58 children and teens every week.
1,972 were homicide victims
822 committed suicide
212 died in accidental or undetermined circumstances
2,654 were boys
352 were girls
404 were under age 15
131 were under age 10
69 were under age 5
1,624 were White
1,271 were Black
614 were Latino*
60 were Asian or Pacific Islander
51 were American Indian or Alaska Native
The number of children and teens in America killed by guns in 2005 would fill 120 public school classrooms of 25 students each.
In 2005, 69 preschoolers were killed by firearms compared to 53 law enforcement officers killed in the line of duty.
Since 1979, gun violence has snuffed out the lives of 104,419 children and teens in America. Sixty percent of them were White; 37 percent were Black.
The number of Black children and teens killed by gunfire since 1979 is more than 10 times the number of Black citizens of all ages lynched in American history.
The number of children and teens killed by guns since 1979 would fill 4,177 public school classrooms of 25 students each.
More than five times as many children and teens suffered non-fatal gun injuries.
181 more children and teens died from firearms in 2005 than in 2004—the first annual increase since 1994.
68 more children and teens died from homicide in 2005 than in 2004.
56 more White, 122 more Black, 40 more Hispanic, and 9 more Asian and Pacific Islander children and teens died in 2005 than in 2004.
More 10- to 19-year-olds die from gunshot wounds than from any other cause except motor vehicle accidents.
Almost 90 percent of the children and teens killed by firearms in 2005 were boys.
Black children and teens are more likely to be victims of firearm homicide. White children and teens are more likely to commit suicide.
The firearm death rate for Black males ages 15 to 19 is more than four times that of comparable White males.
A Black male has a 1 in 72 chance of being killed by a firearm before his 30th birthday; a White male has a 1 in 344 chance.
Eight times as many White children and teens committed suicide by gun as Black children and teens.
Males ages 15 to 19 are almost eight times as likely as females that age to commit suicide with a firearm.
The following behaviors and actions may be viewed as risk factors indicative of the potential for the initiation of violence by a child or adolescent:
Has a history of tantrums or uncontrollable angry outbursts
Uses abusive language or calls people names
Makes violent threats when angry
Has brought a weapon to school
Has serious disciplinary problems at school or in the community
Abuses drugs, alcohol or other substances
Has few or no close friends
Is preoccupied with weapons or explosives
Has been suspended or expelled from school
Is cruel to animals
Has little or no supervision and support from parents or a caring adult
Has witnessed or been a victim of abuse or neglect
Has been bullied and/or bullies or intimidates other kids
Prefers TV shows, movies or music with violent themes
Is involved with a gang or an antisocial group
Is depressed or has significant mood swings
Has threatened or attempted suicide
What Parents Can Do
The following are suggestions of ways to help your child or adolescent deal with feelings and/or situations that might lead them to participate in violent behaviors:
Give your children consistent love and attention. Every child needs a strong, loving, relationship with a parent or other adult to feel safe and secure and to develop a sense of trust.
Children learn by example, so show your children appropriate behavior by the way you act.
Talk with your children about the violence they see on TV, in video games, at school, at home, or in the neighborhood. Discuss why violence exists in these contexts and what the consequences of this violence are.
Try to keep your children from seeing too much violence: limit their TV time, and screen the programs they watch. Seeing a lot of violence can lead children to behave aggressively.
Make sure your children do not have access to guns. If you own firearms or other weapons, unload them and lock them up separately from the bullets. Never store firearms where children can find them, even if unloaded. Also, talk with your children about how dangerous weapons can be.
Involve your children in setting rules for appropriate behavior at home; this will help them understand why the rules should be followed. Also ask your children what they think an appropriate punishment would be if a rule were broken.
Teach your children nonaggressive ways to solve problems by discussing problems with them, asking them to consider what might happen if they use violence to solve problems, and talking about what might happen if they solve problems without violence.
Listen to your children and respect them. They will be more likely to listen and respect others if they are listened to and treated with respect.
Note any disturbing behaviors in your child such as angry outbursts, excessive fighting, cruelty to animals, fire setting, lack of friends, or alcohol/drug use. These can be signs of serious problems.
Don't be afraid to get help for your child if such behaviors exist, and talk with a trusted professional in the community.
References
National Center for Injury Prevention and Control
National Safety Council
SafeUSA - National Center for Injury Prevention and Control
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
Children’s Defense Fund
“One thing about him—he thought no one would hurt him. He thought, ‘no enemies.’”
– Mickye McGuire-Rush, Gregory’s Mother
Mickye McGuire-Rush sits in her living room and remembers her only son, Gregory. “One thing about him—he thought no one would hurt him. He thought, ‘no enemies,’” she says.
Gregory had no enemies and no protection from random violence. At age 15, he was shot to death by another kid didn’t even know.
“Mistaken identity—Gregory lost his life over something he didn’t even know was going on,” Mickye says.
Violence is killing our kids. Murder is the second leading cause of death among teenagers.
“I saw my friend in the hospital die with a nine millimeter, with a bible over it and we had a prayer before he died. Things change from that,” says one teen.
Changing the violence is exactly what a group of fourth and fifth graders are hoping to do. Some of the girls are step dancing for peace.
“We want the world to be a safe place to live,” says Ebony.
They’re part of a program at school that teaches non-violence as a way of life.
Experts say parents may not be able to prevent their children from becoming victims of violence, but they can teach kids how to handle disagreements peacefully in their own lives.
“It has to do with what you control and what you do not control. You control your own behavior. You control what you do inside that relationship with the people inside that household,” says Dr. John Jenson, psychologist.
“Clearly something is not working and I think to conclude that it’s the kids that aren’t working is inappropriate. We first must look at the environment that we have created as adults for kids to live in,” says Dr. Stephen Thomas, psychologist.
An environment that, so far, has claimed too many lives, including Gregory.
Mickye McGuire-Rush says, “He was my best friend.”
Tips for Parents
– Mickye McGuire-Rush, Gregory’s Mother
Mickye McGuire-Rush sits in her living room and remembers her only son, Gregory. “One thing about him—he thought no one would hurt him. He thought, ‘no enemies,’” she says.
Gregory had no enemies and no protection from random violence. At age 15, he was shot to death by another kid didn’t even know.
“Mistaken identity—Gregory lost his life over something he didn’t even know was going on,” Mickye says.
Violence is killing our kids. Murder is the second leading cause of death among teenagers.
“I saw my friend in the hospital die with a nine millimeter, with a bible over it and we had a prayer before he died. Things change from that,” says one teen.
Changing the violence is exactly what a group of fourth and fifth graders are hoping to do. Some of the girls are step dancing for peace.
“We want the world to be a safe place to live,” says Ebony.
They’re part of a program at school that teaches non-violence as a way of life.
Experts say parents may not be able to prevent their children from becoming victims of violence, but they can teach kids how to handle disagreements peacefully in their own lives.
“It has to do with what you control and what you do not control. You control your own behavior. You control what you do inside that relationship with the people inside that household,” says Dr. John Jenson, psychologist.
“Clearly something is not working and I think to conclude that it’s the kids that aren’t working is inappropriate. We first must look at the environment that we have created as adults for kids to live in,” says Dr. Stephen Thomas, psychologist.
An environment that, so far, has claimed too many lives, including Gregory.
Mickye McGuire-Rush says, “He was my best friend.”
Tips for Parents
After a decade of decline, the number of children killed by gun fire has increased, according to the report Protect Children, Not Guns. This report from the Children’s Defense Fund, used data from the Center for Disease Control and Prevention, to compile this list of statistics:
3,006 children and teens died from gunfire in the United States in 2005—one child or teen every three hours, eight every day, 58 children and teens every week.
1,972 were homicide victims
822 committed suicide
212 died in accidental or undetermined circumstances
2,654 were boys
352 were girls
404 were under age 15
131 were under age 10
69 were under age 5
1,624 were White
1,271 were Black
614 were Latino*
60 were Asian or Pacific Islander
51 were American Indian or Alaska Native
The number of children and teens in America killed by guns in 2005 would fill 120 public school classrooms of 25 students each.
In 2005, 69 preschoolers were killed by firearms compared to 53 law enforcement officers killed in the line of duty.
Since 1979, gun violence has snuffed out the lives of 104,419 children and teens in America. Sixty percent of them were White; 37 percent were Black.
The number of Black children and teens killed by gunfire since 1979 is more than 10 times the number of Black citizens of all ages lynched in American history.
The number of children and teens killed by guns since 1979 would fill 4,177 public school classrooms of 25 students each.
More than five times as many children and teens suffered non-fatal gun injuries.
181 more children and teens died from firearms in 2005 than in 2004—the first annual increase since 1994.
68 more children and teens died from homicide in 2005 than in 2004.
56 more White, 122 more Black, 40 more Hispanic, and 9 more Asian and Pacific Islander children and teens died in 2005 than in 2004.
More 10- to 19-year-olds die from gunshot wounds than from any other cause except motor vehicle accidents.
Almost 90 percent of the children and teens killed by firearms in 2005 were boys.
Black children and teens are more likely to be victims of firearm homicide. White children and teens are more likely to commit suicide.
The firearm death rate for Black males ages 15 to 19 is more than four times that of comparable White males.
A Black male has a 1 in 72 chance of being killed by a firearm before his 30th birthday; a White male has a 1 in 344 chance.
Eight times as many White children and teens committed suicide by gun as Black children and teens.
Males ages 15 to 19 are almost eight times as likely as females that age to commit suicide with a firearm.
The following behaviors and actions may be viewed as risk factors indicative of the potential for the initiation of violence by a child or adolescent:
Has a history of tantrums or uncontrollable angry outbursts
Uses abusive language or calls people names
Makes violent threats when angry
Has brought a weapon to school
Has serious disciplinary problems at school or in the community
Abuses drugs, alcohol or other substances
Has few or no close friends
Is preoccupied with weapons or explosives
Has been suspended or expelled from school
Is cruel to animals
Has little or no supervision and support from parents or a caring adult
Has witnessed or been a victim of abuse or neglect
Has been bullied and/or bullies or intimidates other kids
Prefers TV shows, movies or music with violent themes
Is involved with a gang or an antisocial group
Is depressed or has significant mood swings
Has threatened or attempted suicide
What Parents Can Do
The following are suggestions of ways to help your child or adolescent deal with feelings and/or situations that might lead them to participate in violent behaviors:
Give your children consistent love and attention. Every child needs a strong, loving, relationship with a parent or other adult to feel safe and secure and to develop a sense of trust.
Children learn by example, so show your children appropriate behavior by the way you act.
Settle arguments with calm words, not with yelling, hitting, slapping, or spanking. If you punish children by hitting, slapping, or spanking them, you are showing them that it is okay to hit others.
Talk with your children about the violence they see on TV, in video games, at school, at home, or in the neighborhood. Discuss why violence exists in these contexts and what the consequences of this violence are.
Try to keep your children from seeing too much violence: limit their TV time, and screen the programs they watch. Seeing a lot of violence can lead children to behave aggressively.
Make sure your children do not have access to guns. If you own firearms or other weapons, unload them and lock them up separately from the bullets. Never store firearms where children can find them, even if unloaded. Also, talk with your children about how dangerous weapons can be.
Involve your children in setting rules for appropriate behavior at home; this will help them understand why the rules should be followed. Also ask your children what they think an appropriate punishment would be if a rule were broken.
Teach your children nonaggressive ways to solve problems by discussing problems with them, asking them to consider what might happen if they use violence to solve problems, and talking about what might happen if they solve problems without violence.
Listen to your children and respect them. They will be more likely to listen and respect others if they are listened to and treated with respect.
Note any disturbing behaviors in your child such as angry outbursts, excessive fighting, cruelty to animals, fire setting, lack of friends, or alcohol/drug use. These can be signs of serious problems.
Don't be afraid to get help for your child if such behaviors exist, and talk with a trusted professional in the community.
References
National Center for Injury Prevention and Control
National Safety Council
SafeUSA - National Center for Injury Prevention and Control
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
Children’s Defense Fund
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff) Parent Empowerment
Parent Empowerment!
By Sue Scheff
Are you at your wit’s end? Completely frustrated and stressed out over your child’s behavior? Are you questioning where the child you raised with values went? It is time to empower yourself with information that can help you take control again.
So many parents are desperate to find resolution and peace with their out of control teen. They feel helpless, hopeless, scared, exhausted, and bewildered where this behavior came from.
Many teens are suffering with low self esteem, depression and other negative feelings that are making the act out in defiant ways. It is important to try to resolve these feelings before they escalate to worse behavior, including substance abuse and addiction, sexual promiscuity, eating disorders, self injury, gang involvement, etc.
These teens are usually very intelligent and capable of getting Honor Roll grades, however are not working up to their potential and lack the motivation to succeed and do well. This can stem from peer pressure combined with the teen’s feelings of low self worth. It is one of the most common trends today – highly intelligent teens making bad choices. Are you telling yourself; “This is not my child,” yet soon realize that it is and you must take control of an obvious out of control situation.
As a parent that has experienced and survived a troubled teen – I am introducing “Parent Empowerment” to help you take control of your family again. My goal is that you will learn from my mistakes and gain from my knowledge.
Do you think you are alone? I can assure you, that there are many parents that are in your same situation – and feeling the same frustrations.
Let’s look at things we have tried – and I am confident many of you will see the familiarity with these consequences:
• Remove privileges or place restrictions on cell phones, televisions, computers, going out on weekends, friends, phone time at home, etc. In today’s society, although these should be privileges, most are considered normal necessities of a teen’s life. This can be related to entitlement issues. Click Here http://www.helpyourteens.com/entitlement_issues.html Many instances even if you have removed the privileges, the child knows he/she will eventually get them back, and find other means to communicate with their teen world.
• Change schools – How many times have we believed if we change the school the problems will go away? Maybe in some cases, however these issues will follow your child into the next school environment. The problems may be masked in the beginning, but in most cases, the trouble will soon arise again. Changing schools, although may temporarily resolve some problems; it is rarely the answer when teens are emotionally struggling.
• Have your child go live with a relative out of state? Wow, this is very common, but the other similarity is that in many situations it is a short term resolution before the family is calling and saying they can’t do it any longer – you need to find another alternative for the teen. This can be traumatic and stressful for both families involved and cause friction that could result in more negative feelings.
• How many families have actually moved? Believe or not, parents have looked for job transfers or other avenues to try to remove their teen from the environment they are currently in. So many of us believe it is the friends, which it could be, however as parents we need to also take accountability – this is not saying we are to blame, but we need to understand that our children are usually not the “angels” we believe they are. Sure they are athletic, played varsity sports (football, track, golf, swim team, dance etc.), musically gifted, or other special talents as well as were in all advanced placement classes – but reality is, if you are reading this, this has changed.
• Seeking a therapist will help. Yes in some cases it will. And of course, we should all try this avenue first. Unfortunately more times than not, the teens are already a master manipulator and can breeze through these sessions convincing the therapist the parents are the problem. I know many of you have probably already experienced this. The other concern with therapy is that in many situations the one hour once or twice a week can barely scratch the surface of what a family with a troubled teen may require.
• Was your child arrested? If your child has committed a crime, chances are they will be arrested. If your child has become belligerent in the home and you fear for your safety or the safety of your family, again chances are they will be arrested. In some cases with first time offenders the charges could be dropped. However if this becoming a chronic problem, you seriously should consider outside help. When a teen is arrested and placed in a juvenile detention center, even for one night, they are exposed to a different element that could either scare him/her or harden them. Teens can learn bad habits in these centers, or potentially worse, make friends with teens that have far worse problems than yours.
• Scared Straight Programs or Boot Camps – Are they effective? Many parents will seek a local weekend Scared Straight Program or Boot Camp. In some cases, it may have a positive effect on your teen – a wake up call so to speak; however in other cases it may worsen your problem. Depending on your child and the problems you are dealing with or how long they have been going on, may help you to determine if these types of programs would be beneficial or detrimental to them. Some teens will leave a Boot Camp or weekend Scared Straight program with more anger and resentment than when they entered it. The resentment is usually directed at the person that placed them there – not at the program. This can open doors to more destructive behavior. Personally, I am not in favor of Boot Camps or Scared Straight Weekend programs. A visit to a jail with a police officer, giving the teen the awareness of what could happen to them, may be a better way to help the teen to understand consequences of the current behavior.
These above efforts are avenues parents could try before considering any type of boarding school program. I believe exhausting all your local resources should be the first path. Making a decision to place a child outside of the home is a major decision and one that is not to be taken lightly. It is important you educate yourself – empower yourself with information to help you make the best decision for your child. Here is a list of questions to ask schools and programs in order to determine if they are a fit for your teen.
Click here: http://www.helpyourteens.com/questions_to_ask_schools.html
Helpful Hints: http://www.helpyourteens.com/helpful_hints.html when searching for schools and programs.
An educated parent is an empowered parent. Parent Empowerment! Take control of your family life again. Don’t be a parent in denial – take control and become empowered! I believe giving your child a second chance to have a successful life is our responsibility as a concerned parent.
By Sue Scheff
Are you at your wit’s end? Completely frustrated and stressed out over your child’s behavior? Are you questioning where the child you raised with values went? It is time to empower yourself with information that can help you take control again.
So many parents are desperate to find resolution and peace with their out of control teen. They feel helpless, hopeless, scared, exhausted, and bewildered where this behavior came from.
Many teens are suffering with low self esteem, depression and other negative feelings that are making the act out in defiant ways. It is important to try to resolve these feelings before they escalate to worse behavior, including substance abuse and addiction, sexual promiscuity, eating disorders, self injury, gang involvement, etc.
These teens are usually very intelligent and capable of getting Honor Roll grades, however are not working up to their potential and lack the motivation to succeed and do well. This can stem from peer pressure combined with the teen’s feelings of low self worth. It is one of the most common trends today – highly intelligent teens making bad choices. Are you telling yourself; “This is not my child,” yet soon realize that it is and you must take control of an obvious out of control situation.
As a parent that has experienced and survived a troubled teen – I am introducing “Parent Empowerment” to help you take control of your family again. My goal is that you will learn from my mistakes and gain from my knowledge.
Do you think you are alone? I can assure you, that there are many parents that are in your same situation – and feeling the same frustrations.
Let’s look at things we have tried – and I am confident many of you will see the familiarity with these consequences:
• Remove privileges or place restrictions on cell phones, televisions, computers, going out on weekends, friends, phone time at home, etc. In today’s society, although these should be privileges, most are considered normal necessities of a teen’s life. This can be related to entitlement issues. Click Here http://www.helpyourteens.com/entitlement_issues.html Many instances even if you have removed the privileges, the child knows he/she will eventually get them back, and find other means to communicate with their teen world.
• Change schools – How many times have we believed if we change the school the problems will go away? Maybe in some cases, however these issues will follow your child into the next school environment. The problems may be masked in the beginning, but in most cases, the trouble will soon arise again. Changing schools, although may temporarily resolve some problems; it is rarely the answer when teens are emotionally struggling.
• Have your child go live with a relative out of state? Wow, this is very common, but the other similarity is that in many situations it is a short term resolution before the family is calling and saying they can’t do it any longer – you need to find another alternative for the teen. This can be traumatic and stressful for both families involved and cause friction that could result in more negative feelings.
• How many families have actually moved? Believe or not, parents have looked for job transfers or other avenues to try to remove their teen from the environment they are currently in. So many of us believe it is the friends, which it could be, however as parents we need to also take accountability – this is not saying we are to blame, but we need to understand that our children are usually not the “angels” we believe they are. Sure they are athletic, played varsity sports (football, track, golf, swim team, dance etc.), musically gifted, or other special talents as well as were in all advanced placement classes – but reality is, if you are reading this, this has changed.
• Seeking a therapist will help. Yes in some cases it will. And of course, we should all try this avenue first. Unfortunately more times than not, the teens are already a master manipulator and can breeze through these sessions convincing the therapist the parents are the problem. I know many of you have probably already experienced this. The other concern with therapy is that in many situations the one hour once or twice a week can barely scratch the surface of what a family with a troubled teen may require.
• Was your child arrested? If your child has committed a crime, chances are they will be arrested. If your child has become belligerent in the home and you fear for your safety or the safety of your family, again chances are they will be arrested. In some cases with first time offenders the charges could be dropped. However if this becoming a chronic problem, you seriously should consider outside help. When a teen is arrested and placed in a juvenile detention center, even for one night, they are exposed to a different element that could either scare him/her or harden them. Teens can learn bad habits in these centers, or potentially worse, make friends with teens that have far worse problems than yours.
• Scared Straight Programs or Boot Camps – Are they effective? Many parents will seek a local weekend Scared Straight Program or Boot Camp. In some cases, it may have a positive effect on your teen – a wake up call so to speak; however in other cases it may worsen your problem. Depending on your child and the problems you are dealing with or how long they have been going on, may help you to determine if these types of programs would be beneficial or detrimental to them. Some teens will leave a Boot Camp or weekend Scared Straight program with more anger and resentment than when they entered it. The resentment is usually directed at the person that placed them there – not at the program. This can open doors to more destructive behavior. Personally, I am not in favor of Boot Camps or Scared Straight Weekend programs. A visit to a jail with a police officer, giving the teen the awareness of what could happen to them, may be a better way to help the teen to understand consequences of the current behavior.
These above efforts are avenues parents could try before considering any type of boarding school program. I believe exhausting all your local resources should be the first path. Making a decision to place a child outside of the home is a major decision and one that is not to be taken lightly. It is important you educate yourself – empower yourself with information to help you make the best decision for your child. Here is a list of questions to ask schools and programs in order to determine if they are a fit for your teen.
Click here: http://www.helpyourteens.com/questions_to_ask_schools.html
Helpful Hints: http://www.helpyourteens.com/helpful_hints.html when searching for schools and programs.
An educated parent is an empowered parent. Parent Empowerment! Take control of your family life again. Don’t be a parent in denial – take control and become empowered! I believe giving your child a second chance to have a successful life is our responsibility as a concerned parent.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff) A Cry for Help
“For some reason, when I’d get depressed, I would just take a razor and I’d cut little slits in my arm. I don’t know why I did it.”
– Melissa, 19
At thirteen, Melissa Gerjoi tried to kill herself.
“I just wanted to do something, something that would just totally stop everything,” Melissa, now 19, recounts.
She later realized she didn’t want to die; she wanted to get rid of the pain.
“For some reason, when I’d get depressed, I would just take a razor and I’d cut little slits in my arm,” she says. “And I don’t know why I did it, and I don’t know why it was any consolation whatsoever.”
It was after her father died in a car crash that Melissa started cutting herself. It was her way of coping.
“Sometimes kids are engaging in this behavior as a way of converting their intense emotional pain into the more tolerable physical pain,” explains Dr. Leslie Apfelbaum, a child psychologist.
According to a study by the Centers for Disease Control, in the year 2005, nearly half a million people were treated in emergency rooms for self-inflicted wounds. More of them were teenagers than any other age group. Experts say most aren’t trying to die, they’re crying out for help.
“We actually call it suicidal gestures,” says Dr. Apfelbaum. “…a way of asking for help without actually doing something too harmful.”
A change in behavior, as well as long sleeves and baggy clothes to hide scars, are clues your child may be hurting themselves. Professional therapy can help unlock the emotional pain.
Family support and time away at boarding school helped Melissa pull her life back together and stop the vicious cycle of self-inflicted pain.
“I sort of stopped my life and went on and started a new one,” she says. “I mean, I totally turned around and changed into a different person.”
Tips for Parents
Self-Injury May Be Path to Suicide
What exactly constitutes self-injury? According to the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry (AACAP), self-injury is the act of deliberately destroying body tissue – at times to change a way of feeling. Lately it has become a popular among adolescents, and its forms may include the following:
Carving
Scratching
Branding
Marking
Picking and pulling skin and hair
Burning
Cutting
Biting
Head banging
Bruising
Hitting
Excessive tattooing
Excessive body piercing
The AACAP says that teens engage in self-mutilation in order to take risks, to rebel, to reject their parents’ values, to state their individuality or merely to be accepted by their peers. Others, however, may injure themselves out of desperation or anger to seek attention, to show their hopelessness and worthlessness or because they have suicidal thoughts. Some young children may resort to self-injurious acts from time to time but often grow out of it. Children with mental retardation and/or autism may also show these behaviors, which may persist into adulthood. And children who have been abused or abandoned may self-mutilate.
The Self-Harm Alliance cites the following factors that may contribute to a teen’s reasons for self-harming:
Loss of a loved one
Physical abuse, such as domestic violence
Sexual abuse, such as rape or child abuse
Verbal abuse, such as bullying
Childhood neglect from one or both parents
Physical Illness or disability
Loss of freedom
Relationship problems
If your child or adolescent is engaging in self-harm, the AACAP says it is important to talk to your child about respecting and valuing his or her body. You can also help your teen to avoid hurting himself or herself by teaching him or her the following skills:
To accept reality and find ways to make the present moment more tolerable
To identify feelings and talk them out rather than acting on them
To distract himself or herself from feelings of self-harm (counting to 10, waiting 15 minutes, saying “NO!” or “STOP!,” practicing breathing exercises, journaling, drawing, thinking about positive images, using ice and rubber bands, etc.)
To stop, think and evaluate the pros and cons of self-injury
To soothe himself or herself in a positive, non-injurious way
To practice positive stress management
To develop better social skills
You should have your child evaluated by a mental health professional to identify and treat the underlying causes of self-injury. A child and adolescent psychiatrist can also diagnose and treat any serious psychiatric disorders that may accompany your child’s self-injurious behavior.
The most severe cases of self-injury result in suicide. The CDC estimates about 32,000 people commit suicide every year in the United States. It is the third leading cause of death for 15- to 24-year-old. The National Association of School Psychologists cites the following signs indicating that your child’s self-injurious behavior may be escalating to suicide:
Suicide notes: These notes are a very real sign of danger and should be taken seriously.
Threats: Threats may be direct statements (“I want to die” or “I am going to kill myself”) or, unfortunately, indirect comments (“The world would be better without me” and “Nobody will miss me anyway”). Among teens, indirect clues could be offered through joking or through comments in school assignments, particularly creative writing or artwork.
– Melissa, 19
At thirteen, Melissa Gerjoi tried to kill herself.
“I just wanted to do something, something that would just totally stop everything,” Melissa, now 19, recounts.
She later realized she didn’t want to die; she wanted to get rid of the pain.
“For some reason, when I’d get depressed, I would just take a razor and I’d cut little slits in my arm,” she says. “And I don’t know why I did it, and I don’t know why it was any consolation whatsoever.”
It was after her father died in a car crash that Melissa started cutting herself. It was her way of coping.
“Sometimes kids are engaging in this behavior as a way of converting their intense emotional pain into the more tolerable physical pain,” explains Dr. Leslie Apfelbaum, a child psychologist.
According to a study by the Centers for Disease Control, in the year 2005, nearly half a million people were treated in emergency rooms for self-inflicted wounds. More of them were teenagers than any other age group. Experts say most aren’t trying to die, they’re crying out for help.
“We actually call it suicidal gestures,” says Dr. Apfelbaum. “…a way of asking for help without actually doing something too harmful.”
A change in behavior, as well as long sleeves and baggy clothes to hide scars, are clues your child may be hurting themselves. Professional therapy can help unlock the emotional pain.
Family support and time away at boarding school helped Melissa pull her life back together and stop the vicious cycle of self-inflicted pain.
“I sort of stopped my life and went on and started a new one,” she says. “I mean, I totally turned around and changed into a different person.”
Tips for Parents
Self-Injury May Be Path to Suicide
What exactly constitutes self-injury? According to the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry (AACAP), self-injury is the act of deliberately destroying body tissue – at times to change a way of feeling. Lately it has become a popular among adolescents, and its forms may include the following:
Carving
Scratching
Branding
Marking
Picking and pulling skin and hair
Burning
Cutting
Biting
Head banging
Bruising
Hitting
Excessive tattooing
Excessive body piercing
The AACAP says that teens engage in self-mutilation in order to take risks, to rebel, to reject their parents’ values, to state their individuality or merely to be accepted by their peers. Others, however, may injure themselves out of desperation or anger to seek attention, to show their hopelessness and worthlessness or because they have suicidal thoughts. Some young children may resort to self-injurious acts from time to time but often grow out of it. Children with mental retardation and/or autism may also show these behaviors, which may persist into adulthood. And children who have been abused or abandoned may self-mutilate.
The Self-Harm Alliance cites the following factors that may contribute to a teen’s reasons for self-harming:
Loss of a loved one
Physical abuse, such as domestic violence
Sexual abuse, such as rape or child abuse
Verbal abuse, such as bullying
Childhood neglect from one or both parents
Physical Illness or disability
Loss of freedom
Relationship problems
If your child or adolescent is engaging in self-harm, the AACAP says it is important to talk to your child about respecting and valuing his or her body. You can also help your teen to avoid hurting himself or herself by teaching him or her the following skills:
To accept reality and find ways to make the present moment more tolerable
To identify feelings and talk them out rather than acting on them
To distract himself or herself from feelings of self-harm (counting to 10, waiting 15 minutes, saying “NO!” or “STOP!,” practicing breathing exercises, journaling, drawing, thinking about positive images, using ice and rubber bands, etc.)
To stop, think and evaluate the pros and cons of self-injury
To soothe himself or herself in a positive, non-injurious way
To practice positive stress management
To develop better social skills
You should have your child evaluated by a mental health professional to identify and treat the underlying causes of self-injury. A child and adolescent psychiatrist can also diagnose and treat any serious psychiatric disorders that may accompany your child’s self-injurious behavior.
The most severe cases of self-injury result in suicide. The CDC estimates about 32,000 people commit suicide every year in the United States. It is the third leading cause of death for 15- to 24-year-old. The National Association of School Psychologists cites the following signs indicating that your child’s self-injurious behavior may be escalating to suicide:
Suicide notes: These notes are a very real sign of danger and should be taken seriously.
Threats: Threats may be direct statements (“I want to die” or “I am going to kill myself”) or, unfortunately, indirect comments (“The world would be better without me” and “Nobody will miss me anyway”). Among teens, indirect clues could be offered through joking or through comments in school assignments, particularly creative writing or artwork.
“Masked” depression: Sometimes risk-taking behaviors can include acts of aggression, gunplay and alcohol or substance abuse.
Final arrangements: This behavior may take many forms, such as giving away prized possessions like jewelry, clothing, journals or pictures.
Continued efforts to hurt oneself: Common self-destructive behaviors include running into traffic, jumping from heights and scratching, cutting or marking the body.
Changes in physical habits and appearance: Changes include an inability to sleep or sleeping all of the time, sudden weight gain or loss and disinterest in appearance or hygiene.
If one or more of these signs occurs, talk to your child about your concerns and seek professional help when the concerns persist. With support from family and professional treatment, your child can heal and return to a more healthy path of development.
As a parent, you can help prevent teen suicide in the following ways, according to PROMINA Health System:
Know the warning signs and when to get a professional assessment.
Learn who your child is, how he or she feels and what he or she thinks by being more involved in his or her life.
Improve and enhance adult supervision and socialization and monitor the feelings, thoughts and behaviors of your child.
Emphasize honest communication and sharing.
Emphasize honest cooperation with authority and systems, such as school, church, work or rules at home.
References
American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
National Association of School Psychologists
PROMINA Health System
Self-Harm Alliance
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff) Why Kids Steal
By KidsHealth http://www.kidshealth.org/
Kids of all ages - from preschoolers to teens - can be tempted to steal for different reasons:
Kids of all ages - from preschoolers to teens - can be tempted to steal for different reasons:
Very young children sometimes take things they want without understanding that things cost money and that it's wrong to take something without paying for it.
Elementary school children usually know they're not supposed to take something without paying, but they may take it anyway because they lack enough self-control.
Preteens and teens know they're not supposed to steal, but they may steal for the thrill of it or because their friends are doing it. Some might believe they can get away with it. As they're given more control over their lives, some teens may steal as a way of rebelling.
Read entire article here: http://www.kidshealth.org/parent/positive/talk/shoplifting.html
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Sue Scheff: Alliance for Consumer Education (ACE)
Welcome to the Alliance for Consumer Education's (ACE) inhalant abuse prevention site! ACE is a nonprofit organization dedicated to advancing community health and well-being.
Did you know 1 in 5 children will abuse inhalants by the 8th grade? Inhalant abuse refers to the deliberate inhalation or sniffing of fumes, vapors or gases from common household products for the purpose of "getting high".
This site is designed to assist you in learning more about inhalant abuse prevention and giving you tools to help raise the awareness of others. While here be sure to check out our free printable resources, and post any comments or questions on ACE’s community message board.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Sue Scheff: Troubled teens, struggling teens, difficult teens
Are you struggling with your teen?
Visit http://www.helpyourteens.com/ P.U.R.E. - Parents Universal Resource Experts - Parents helping parents.
P.U.R.E. is based on reality - especially with today's teen society of technology including MySpace and other Internet concerns for children. Today we are educating children at much younger ages about substance abuse, sex, and more.
The latest wave of music and lyrics, television, and movies help to contribute to generate a new spin on this age group.
This leads to new areas of concern for parents. We recognize that each family is different with a variety of needs. P.U.R.E. believes in creating Parent Awareness to help you become an educated parent in the teen help industry.
We will give you a feeling of comfort in a situation that can be confusing, stressful, frustrating, and sometimes desperate.Desperate? Confused? Stressed? Anxious? Helplessness? Frustrated? Scared? Exhausted? Fearful? Alone? Drained? Hopelessness? Out of Control? At Wit's End?...
http://www.helpyourteens.com/
http://www.witsendbook.com/
http://www.suescheff.com/
Friday, May 16, 2008
Parents Universal Resource Experts - Sue Scheff - Raising Kids Today is Challenging
Connect with Kids is a comprehensive website that offers parenting articles, helpful tips for parents, parent forums and more. They also offer Parenting DVD's on a variety of subjects that affect our kids today. Whether it is Troubled Teens or how to raise successful kids - there is probably a DVD that can help you better understand the issues surrounding our kids today.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Sue Scheff - Parents Universal Resource Experts - Tough Love and Teens
As a parent advocate, I have heard many parents that turn to tough love as one of their last resorts to help their struggling teen.
Many cannot understand or grasp the concept of, tough love or "not enabling" the child to ruin or run the family unit.
Enduring life with a teen that is running the home can result in many uproars, conflicts, arguments, battles, and sometimes psychical and verbal abuse. Tough love is exactly that: Tough. Loving our children is unconditional, but we don’t have to like what they are doing or how they are destroying their lives.
There will come a time when a parent realizes enough is enough!
This is the time that they need the support from outside sources, such as a Tough Love support groups, along with professional intervention.
This does not reflect you as a parent, nor does it place blame on the family, it is the child that is making the bad choices and the family is suffering from it.
Many times tough love is simply letting go. Let the child make their mistakes and they will either learn from them or suffer the consequences. Unfortunately depending on the situation, it is not always feasible to wait until the last minute to intervene.
If you see that tough love is not working at home, it may be time to consider residential placement (placement outside the home). Quality Residential placements work with the entire family. Once the child is safely removed from the family, everyone is able to concentrate on the issues calmly and rationally.
Tough love can mean finding the most appropriate setting outside of the home for your child. While in the whirlwind of confusion, frustration and stress that the child is causing, it is hard to see the actual problem or problems. With time and distance, the healing starts to occur.
Tough love is a very painful and stressful avenue, however in many families, very necessary and very rewarding. Tough love if used correctly can be helpful. However if you are the type to give in at the end, all the hard work of standing your ground will be for nothing.
Actually, your weakness or giving in could result in deeper and more serious problems. Please confer with professionals or outside help if you feel you are not able to follow through with what you are telling your child you will do.
Don’t be ashamed to ask for help, you are certainly not alone.
By Sue Scheff
Founder of Parents Universal Resource Experts
Author of Wit's End!
Many cannot understand or grasp the concept of, tough love or "not enabling" the child to ruin or run the family unit.
Enduring life with a teen that is running the home can result in many uproars, conflicts, arguments, battles, and sometimes psychical and verbal abuse. Tough love is exactly that: Tough. Loving our children is unconditional, but we don’t have to like what they are doing or how they are destroying their lives.
There will come a time when a parent realizes enough is enough!
This is the time that they need the support from outside sources, such as a Tough Love support groups, along with professional intervention.
This does not reflect you as a parent, nor does it place blame on the family, it is the child that is making the bad choices and the family is suffering from it.
Many times tough love is simply letting go. Let the child make their mistakes and they will either learn from them or suffer the consequences. Unfortunately depending on the situation, it is not always feasible to wait until the last minute to intervene.
If you see that tough love is not working at home, it may be time to consider residential placement (placement outside the home). Quality Residential placements work with the entire family. Once the child is safely removed from the family, everyone is able to concentrate on the issues calmly and rationally.
Tough love can mean finding the most appropriate setting outside of the home for your child. While in the whirlwind of confusion, frustration and stress that the child is causing, it is hard to see the actual problem or problems. With time and distance, the healing starts to occur.
Tough love is a very painful and stressful avenue, however in many families, very necessary and very rewarding. Tough love if used correctly can be helpful. However if you are the type to give in at the end, all the hard work of standing your ground will be for nothing.
Actually, your weakness or giving in could result in deeper and more serious problems. Please confer with professionals or outside help if you feel you are not able to follow through with what you are telling your child you will do.
Don’t be ashamed to ask for help, you are certainly not alone.
By Sue Scheff
Founder of Parents Universal Resource Experts
Author of Wit's End!
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Sue Scheff: Bystanders Stand up To Bullying
Research says almost one-third of today’s teens are either bullies or victims of bullying. Bullies typically attack kids who are different in some way, kids who may be overweight …or smart …or poor … or talented…or don’t wear the ‘right’ clothes. But those who witness bullying are afraid too – 88 percent of teens say or do nothing – afraid they will become victims if they try to stop it.
How can we modify the behavior of this silent majority – those who witness bullying in school hallways, the lunchroom, locker rooms, playgrounds, school buses and neighborhoods? In Silent Witness, experts say that together these silent witnesses have the power to be the “tipping point” and can change the climate of bullying in American schools. They may be the most powerful weapon of all.
Watch Silent Witness to help start a conversation about how to stand up -- for yourself, your children, your students and others. Appropriate for the classroom and at home.
Learn about the power bystanders have to stop bullying, the difference between tattling and reporting, and how “telling” not only protects victims, but also could protect a witness from becoming a victim.
Monday, May 5, 2008
Sue Scheff: Struggling and At Risk Teens
Struggling Teens, At Risk Teens can be described in many ways, depending on what they are struggling with.
Is your teen struggling or at risk? Are they experiencing the bumps of puberty combined with the pressures of teen-life today? There are many reasons why your child could be experiencing a confusing time in their young life, but it is our responsibility as a parent to try to determine the cause of their inner hurt and sadness that can potentially cause negative and inappropriate behavior. Many teens will close up like a clam, but we need to keep on digging to help our child from sinking to a level of making bad choices. As a parent, this can be extremely difficult, and may require outside help. Don’t ignore it, search for answers then find your take action. Seeking outside assistance is nothing to be ashamed of and knowing you are not alone is comforting.
If a teen is struggling in school with their academic's, this could be a learning disability that has not been diagnosed or properly diagnosed. Your child could also be having some emotional problems that are distracting them from school and hopefully a therapist or guidance counselor could help you with. This can evolve from many sources including problems at home, a disagreement with a friend, or even an issue that they have been suppressing. With this, we always encourage parents to seek local therapist to evaluate the situation. Early prevention can help your child not to become a troubled teen.
At times a child may view an issue as extreme, when in reality it is minor. It is how a child perceives the problem, in comparison to how an adult would see the same problem. Children do not have the maturity parents have which may cause a child to act out negatively due to a minor incident. We may think it is small issue, but to the teen, it is huge. This needs to be addressed before it escalates into "major trouble." Problem teens, at risk teens, struggling teens, troubled teens, depressed teens, angry teens, difficult teens, violent teens all need proactive parents to seek help sooner rather than later.
If you feel your teen is in need of further Boarding School, Therapeutic Boarding School, Military School or Program Options, please complete our Information Request Form. Please visit Informational Articles for more beneficial information.
Friday, April 18, 2008
Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff) Kids Addicted to Screens
“Instead of using that time to become an adult, learning how to talk to adults, learning how to talk to women, learning how to talk to men, learning how to figure out what they want to do with their lives -- those are hours that are lost, that can never really be regained,”
– says Dr. Timothy Fong, M.D., addiction psychiatrist
The American Medical Association (AMA) reports that 5 million American kids are addicted to video games. In fact, if you add the time some children and teens spend in front of a screen -- TV, computer, cell phone or video game -- it equals more hours than anything else in their lives except sleep! And that begs the question: if they spend so much time plugged in, what are they missing out on?
Sabrina and her brother Ruben are fighting over the family computer. At the same time, their younger brother Daniel is playing video games with a friend.
“It’s just fun killing other people and stealing their stuff,” says Daniel, 8.
Sister Alinna waits to watch her favorite program on the big-screen TV.
“I dream about watching TV, and I watch Sponge Bob in my head,” says Alinna.
Four kids in one family who love anything with a screen.
“It’s just nowadays it seems like they’re a lot lazier and just want to sit on the tube and on the phone all the time,” says Harry Delano, the children’s father.
In fact, researchers at the University of Montreal found that one-third of teens spend about 40 hoursa week in front of a screen. For all those hours, what are the kids not doing? Experts say they’re not reading, studying, exercising or even just talking with other people.
“Instead of using that time to become an adult, by learning how to talk adults, learning how to talk to women, learning how to talk to men, learning how to figure out what they want to do with their lives -- those are hours that are lost, that can never really be regained,” says Dr. Timothy Fong, M.D., addiction psychiatrist.
Yolanda has tried to limit the time her children spend in front of a screen.
“Well, my mom gives me an hour on Myspace, but I usually do like three hours -- if they don’t notice,” says Sabrina, 16.
“Even though I get frustrated with it, I allow it to happen because that’s what makes her happy,” says Yolanda.
(Links)
If you are interested in this story, you may also be interested in these parent videos:
Tips for Parents
– says Dr. Timothy Fong, M.D., addiction psychiatrist
The American Medical Association (AMA) reports that 5 million American kids are addicted to video games. In fact, if you add the time some children and teens spend in front of a screen -- TV, computer, cell phone or video game -- it equals more hours than anything else in their lives except sleep! And that begs the question: if they spend so much time plugged in, what are they missing out on?
Sabrina and her brother Ruben are fighting over the family computer. At the same time, their younger brother Daniel is playing video games with a friend.
“It’s just fun killing other people and stealing their stuff,” says Daniel, 8.
Sister Alinna waits to watch her favorite program on the big-screen TV.
“I dream about watching TV, and I watch Sponge Bob in my head,” says Alinna.
Four kids in one family who love anything with a screen.
“It’s just nowadays it seems like they’re a lot lazier and just want to sit on the tube and on the phone all the time,” says Harry Delano, the children’s father.
In fact, researchers at the University of Montreal found that one-third of teens spend about 40 hoursa week in front of a screen. For all those hours, what are the kids not doing? Experts say they’re not reading, studying, exercising or even just talking with other people.
“Instead of using that time to become an adult, by learning how to talk adults, learning how to talk to women, learning how to talk to men, learning how to figure out what they want to do with their lives -- those are hours that are lost, that can never really be regained,” says Dr. Timothy Fong, M.D., addiction psychiatrist.
Yolanda has tried to limit the time her children spend in front of a screen.
“Well, my mom gives me an hour on Myspace, but I usually do like three hours -- if they don’t notice,” says Sabrina, 16.
“Even though I get frustrated with it, I allow it to happen because that’s what makes her happy,” says Yolanda.
(Links)
If you are interested in this story, you may also be interested in these parent videos:
Tips for Parents
If your children are like most children, they spend too much time glued to the screen watching television, surfing the Internet and playing video games. So how can you break this habit without wrecking havoc in the home? The answer, according to the American Academy of Pediatrics, is to find fun, positive activities that children enjoy and to smartly manage their screen time.
Experts suggest parents limit children’s total screen time to no more than one to two hours of quality programming per day. (CDC)
Following are 10 tips for parents to help their children make a painless transition from couch potato to a physically and pro-socially active child: (CDC)
Remove television sets from children’s bedrooms.
View television programs with children and discuss the content.
Use the VCR to show or record high-quality, educational programming for children.
Suggest several options for positive physical and pro-social activities that are available through local park districts, schools and community programs.
Recommend pro-social activities, such as volunteering at the Humane Society, local nursing homes, special-needs camps, etc.
Encourage alternative activities for children, including hobbies, athletics and creative play.
Form coalitions including libraries, faith-based organizations, and neighborhood groups to help provide physical and social environments that encourage and enable safe and enjoyable physical activity, including new sidewalks, safe parks and keeping close-to-home physical activity facilities open at night.
Ensure that appropriate activity options are available for disabled children.
Serve as a good role model; be active physically, and be available and interested when your children are viewing television and surfing the Internet in the home.
References
CDC
The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP)
Sunday, April 6, 2008
Sue Scheff: Teen Cults that Target Troubled Teens
List of Dangerous Cults that Target Troubled Teens, with information provided by Sue Scheff™
There are a myriad of different cults threatening teenage livelihoods today. Below is a list of some of the most dangerous and well known cults, but this is by no means meant to be exhaustive, it is simply a sample of some popular groups to watch out for and educate teens about. Sue Scheff™ and other parent activists realize that providing a source of knowledge and information on teen and parent issues is the best way to help curb the dangers of teen cults.
The Twelve Tribes
The Twelve Tribes is group of religious organizations founded in the 1970s by Elbert Eugene Spriggs. While living in Chattanooga, Tennessee, Spriggs created a teenage ministry called the Light Brigade, which operated a coffee shop. Spriggs transitioned the group and its teen members into a communal living situation and into its own religious splinter group after his Church postponed a sermon because of the Super Bowl.
Armed with his new community and belief system, Spriggs opened a chain of restaurants called Yellow Deli to raise money for his cult. The group continued to grow and spread around the country with their restaurants, while gathering significant criticism. The Twelve Tribes attempt to live in the primitive way of the early Church, following the path of Jesus, and believe they must get rid of all their possessions and individuality to call Jesus their true lord. Twelve Tribe members live communally and share all income and possessions.
Twelve Tribes was accused of child abuse and child labor violations in their various businesses. The group has also been accused of racist and anti-Semitic nature in their rhetoric and some of the loudest speakers against the group are former members, who warn of many dangers within the authoritarian organization.
Children of God/The Family International
The Children of God, now known as Family International, is a global cult masking as a religious movement. The organization started in 1968 in Huntington Beach, California, as a splinter of the Jesus movement of the 60s. The group’s influence spawned the first organized anti cult organization, known as [FREECOG (http://www.xfamily.org/index.php/FREECOG)]
The Family International uses its unassuming name and religious overtones to mask its bizarre cult nature. In its early stages, Family International used sex to win followers and show God’s love. This type of religious prostitution was called flirty fishing, and the cult used this perverted evangelism to win over many disillusioned converts.
The Family International is far from family oriented, in the common sense of the word family at least. The cult uses sexuality is its main theme and has distributed photographs, videos, and writing that promote and show adult and child sexual interaction within the group. Family International has since reconciled these problems, but for over 20 years, they clearly abused children in their ranks. Now, the Family International demotes individuals who report abuse to law enforcement agencies or pursue legal action against an abuser to a lower status in the group, and sometimes makes them leave the cult all together.
The group was founded by David Berg, who teaches a theology based on Christian fundamentalism. Berg is regarded in the group as a profit who passed on the direct words of God before his death. The group follows the Law of Love, which permits any actions that are motivated by sacrificial, unselfish love and are not intentionally hurtful. However, cult members believe homosexuality in males is a sin, but female bisexuality is perfectly fine. Adult members of The Family International are encouraged to have sex with other adult members, regardless of their marital status. Family International also encourages members to imagine they are having sex with Jesus during masturbation and intercourse, and male members are supposed to envision themselves as women, so as not have homosexual relationships with Jesus.
The Unification Church (Moonies)
The Unification Church was created by Rev. Sun Myung Moon in 1954, based on Moon’s belief that Jesus spoke to him in 1935, instructing Moon to establish God’s kingdom on earth and finish what Jesus was unable to complete. Moon was arrested for preaching his beliefs in Korea but was freed from prison in 1950 by American troops. Moon’s religious system grew in popularity after his release and he sent out numerous missionaries to Japan and America, eventually moving to the United Sates in 1971.
Moon asserts he is the messiah of the Second Coming and that his wife is the embodiment of the Holy Spirit. The couple labels themselves as the True Parents.
The Unification Church is dangerous because of its financial and political power. Over 300 financial institutions and businesses provide a front for the group, ranging from clothing stores, to publishers and jewelers. Moon has also been invited to the white house and has spoken in front of Congress.
Despite his claim to be the messiah, Moon has spent time in American prisons for tax evasion. Moon also presides over mass weddings, one of which married 30,000 couples in Korea.
Moon’s book, Divine Principles, is considered to be inspired the by the word of God and is considered to be scripture among members of the cult. Moon uses his extensive and legitimate business system, as well as various philanthropic endeavors to mask his cultist tendencies.
There are a myriad of different cults threatening teenage livelihoods today. Below is a list of some of the most dangerous and well known cults, but this is by no means meant to be exhaustive, it is simply a sample of some popular groups to watch out for and educate teens about. Sue Scheff™ and other parent activists realize that providing a source of knowledge and information on teen and parent issues is the best way to help curb the dangers of teen cults.
The Twelve Tribes
The Twelve Tribes is group of religious organizations founded in the 1970s by Elbert Eugene Spriggs. While living in Chattanooga, Tennessee, Spriggs created a teenage ministry called the Light Brigade, which operated a coffee shop. Spriggs transitioned the group and its teen members into a communal living situation and into its own religious splinter group after his Church postponed a sermon because of the Super Bowl.
Armed with his new community and belief system, Spriggs opened a chain of restaurants called Yellow Deli to raise money for his cult. The group continued to grow and spread around the country with their restaurants, while gathering significant criticism. The Twelve Tribes attempt to live in the primitive way of the early Church, following the path of Jesus, and believe they must get rid of all their possessions and individuality to call Jesus their true lord. Twelve Tribe members live communally and share all income and possessions.
Twelve Tribes was accused of child abuse and child labor violations in their various businesses. The group has also been accused of racist and anti-Semitic nature in their rhetoric and some of the loudest speakers against the group are former members, who warn of many dangers within the authoritarian organization.
Children of God/The Family International
The Children of God, now known as Family International, is a global cult masking as a religious movement. The organization started in 1968 in Huntington Beach, California, as a splinter of the Jesus movement of the 60s. The group’s influence spawned the first organized anti cult organization, known as [FREECOG (http://www.xfamily.org/index.php/FREECOG)]
The Family International uses its unassuming name and religious overtones to mask its bizarre cult nature. In its early stages, Family International used sex to win followers and show God’s love. This type of religious prostitution was called flirty fishing, and the cult used this perverted evangelism to win over many disillusioned converts.
The Family International is far from family oriented, in the common sense of the word family at least. The cult uses sexuality is its main theme and has distributed photographs, videos, and writing that promote and show adult and child sexual interaction within the group. Family International has since reconciled these problems, but for over 20 years, they clearly abused children in their ranks. Now, the Family International demotes individuals who report abuse to law enforcement agencies or pursue legal action against an abuser to a lower status in the group, and sometimes makes them leave the cult all together.
The group was founded by David Berg, who teaches a theology based on Christian fundamentalism. Berg is regarded in the group as a profit who passed on the direct words of God before his death. The group follows the Law of Love, which permits any actions that are motivated by sacrificial, unselfish love and are not intentionally hurtful. However, cult members believe homosexuality in males is a sin, but female bisexuality is perfectly fine. Adult members of The Family International are encouraged to have sex with other adult members, regardless of their marital status. Family International also encourages members to imagine they are having sex with Jesus during masturbation and intercourse, and male members are supposed to envision themselves as women, so as not have homosexual relationships with Jesus.
The Unification Church (Moonies)
The Unification Church was created by Rev. Sun Myung Moon in 1954, based on Moon’s belief that Jesus spoke to him in 1935, instructing Moon to establish God’s kingdom on earth and finish what Jesus was unable to complete. Moon was arrested for preaching his beliefs in Korea but was freed from prison in 1950 by American troops. Moon’s religious system grew in popularity after his release and he sent out numerous missionaries to Japan and America, eventually moving to the United Sates in 1971.
Moon asserts he is the messiah of the Second Coming and that his wife is the embodiment of the Holy Spirit. The couple labels themselves as the True Parents.
The Unification Church is dangerous because of its financial and political power. Over 300 financial institutions and businesses provide a front for the group, ranging from clothing stores, to publishers and jewelers. Moon has also been invited to the white house and has spoken in front of Congress.
Despite his claim to be the messiah, Moon has spent time in American prisons for tax evasion. Moon also presides over mass weddings, one of which married 30,000 couples in Korea.
Moon’s book, Divine Principles, is considered to be inspired the by the word of God and is considered to be scripture among members of the cult. Moon uses his extensive and legitimate business system, as well as various philanthropic endeavors to mask his cultist tendencies.
For more information: Teen Cults
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Sue Scheff: Invincibility Theory Among Teens
By Connect with Kids“I just like to see how far I can go and what I can do and what I can accomplish out[side] of the everyday norm.”
– Allan, 17
It has been said a thousand times: the biggest reason kids drink and drive, take drugs and do all kinds of crazy, dangerous stunts is that they think they’re immortal, invincible and bullet-proof. But is this what teenagers really think?
“It’s a sense of freedom, I guess,” says Allan, 17.
Allan is a self-proclaimed risk-taker.
“I just like to see how far I can go and what I can do and what I can accomplish out[side] of the everyday norm,” says Allan.
Risky behaviors can include rock-climbing, skydiving, street racing and even unprotected sex. It’s often said that teenagers feel invincible – but do they really feel this way? Researchers at UC San Francisco say no. In fact, they found that teenagers actually overestimate the danger of certain activities. And, while they know there are risks, they think the benefits and the fun are worth it.
“[Teenagers] are -- compared to an adult -- relatively uninformed. And if they are a novice and inexperienced with alcohol, drugs or sex, or any of those things -- as everyone is in the beginning -- they don’t know what to expect. Very often they don’t fully understand the complete nature of the risks they’re taking,” says Jeffrey Rothweiler, Ph.D., clinical psychologist.
“It might be that because the frontal lobes are not yet fully developed during adolescence that they’re more likely to make decisions, that they don’t fully think through the consequences of their actions,” says Elizabeth Sowell, Ph.D., neuroscientist. The prefrontal cortex matures the most between the ages of 12 and 20.
Allan knows there is a potential for injury with some of the risky actions he takes.
“I guess death is a factor, or getting paralyzed or … hitting the ground while you’re climbing. But you just try not to think about it, keep a positive attitude,” says Allan.
But in his mind, the benefits are worth it.
“Just being able to look back and see that you’ve done something. That you’ve accomplished ... a rapid or a rock or a trail or something like that,” says Allan.
Tips for Parents
Research shows that certain approaches to parenting can help prevent teens from engaging in all types of risky behaviors, from drug and alcohol use to dangerous driving to sexual activity. This includes having a warm, loving and close relationship with your teen; setting and consistently enforcing clear rules and consequences; closely monitoring your teen's activities and whereabouts; respecting your teen; and setting a good example, especially when it comes to illicit drug and alcohol use. (Office of National Drug Control Policy)
Encourage safe driving, healthy eating and good school performance; discourage drug use, teen sex and activities that may result in injury. (U.S. Department of Health & Human Services, HHS)
Teach healthy habits. Teach your teenager how to maintain a high level of overall health through nutrition, physical fitness and healthy behaviors. Make sure your teen gets eight hours of sleep a night -- a good night’s sleep helps ensure maximum performance in academics and sports. Sleep is the body’s way of storing new information to memory and allowing muscles to heal. (HHS)
Promote safe driving habits. Make sure your teenager uses a seat belt every time he or she is in a car, and ask your child to ensure that all other passengers are wearing their seatbelts when he or she is driving. Encourage your young driver to drive responsibly by following speed limits and avoiding distractions while driving such as talking on a cell phone, focusing on the radio or even looking at fellow passengers instead of the road. (HHS)
Promotion of school success. Help your teen to become responsible for attendance, homework and course selection. Be sure to have conversations with your child about school and show your interest in his or her school activities. (HHS)
Prevent violence. Prevent bullying by encouraging peaceful resolutions and building positive relationships. Teach teens to respect others and encourage tolerance. Teach your teens that there is no place for verbal or physical violence by setting an example with your words and actions and by showing them respect as well. (HHS)
Know the 4“W’s”—who, what, when, where. Always know who your teen is hanging out with, what they will be doing, when and for how long they will be out, and where they will be. And check up on your child. Be aware of the dangers that can arise at teenage parties. Teen parties present an opportunity for your teen to experiment with alcohol or tobacco. One approach is to host the party so you have more control over ensuring that these parties stay safe and fun for everyone involved. (HHS)
References
Office of National Drug Control Policy
U.S. Department of Health & Human Services (HHS)
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Sue Scheff: Teen Defiance
We have found that children that have ODD (Oppositional Defiance Disorder) are very confrontational and need to have life their own way. A child does not have to be diagnosed ODD to be defiant. It is a trait that some teens experience through their puberty years. Defiant teens, disrespectful teens, angry teens and rebellious teens can affect the entire family.
An effective way to work with defiant teens is through anger and stress management classes. If you have a local therapist*, ask them if they offer these classes.
Most will have them along with support groups and other beneficial classes. In today's teens we are seeing that defiant teens have taken it to a new level. Especially if your child is also ADD/ADHD, the ODD combination can literally pull a family apart.
You will find yourself wondering what you ever did to deserve the way your child is treating you. It is very sad, yet very real. Please know that many families are experiencing this feeling of destruction within their home.
Many wonder "why" and unfortunately each child is different with a variety of issues they are dealing with. Once a child is placed into proper treatment, the healing process can begin.If you feel your teen is in need of further Boarding School, Military School or Program Options, please complete our Information Request Form.
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Sue Scheff: Coping with Bullies
Invisible Weapon - by Connect with Kids
Adults may think children bullies are just a part of growing up, but what if it was your kids saying things like this about bullying at school:
"I had nowhere to go, no one to tell. I thought I was fat and stupid and no one wanted be around me.” - Sarah
“They called me four-eyes, homo…until I started to believe it.” - Alex
“I was scared all the time to go to school.” - Jay
Invisible Weapons is a moving half-hour video that’s ideal for parents and children to watch and learn together. Painful, true stories show how kids are taunted and teased by children bullies, harassed and excluded, and how bullying at school made them victims of nasty rumors and gossip.
It’s More Than Just Bullying at School
Bullies and “mean girls” leave wounds that often go deeper than broken bones and bloody noses. You’ll hear from victims as they tell how bullying at school affected their grades, their self-confidence and their relationships.
Listen as children bullies themselves share their stories and regrets. “Maybe I thought making fun of Sarah was cool,” says Ashley, “or that it would make me have more friends.”
There are ways to stop this kind of emotional pain. Hear what experts have to say by ordering Invisible Weapons to learn what you can do about children bullies.
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