Many parents with teens today may be scratching their head with today’s generation of teens and their techology, choice of friends, attitude, entitlement issues and more. One of my favorite Blogs – FINK – (Family Interaction Nurtures Kids) offers some great advice on how to raise your teen in a positive direction. I know today it is not the easiest task, but FINK always seems to give us tips we can relate to! Visit www.finkblog.com for more great articles!
Source: FINK Blog
Here are some tips for you on things you need to be ensuring that your teenager learns along the journey of life.
The six life lessons that your teen is not been taught at school.
Life lesson One – Know yourself – Good grades are only one part of the equation.
Successful teens know that grades are only one part of the equation. Getting good graded cannot ensure that you have a successful and happy future. It takes more than that, it takes an understand of who you are as a person, your qualities, abilities and strengths. They are aware of their weakness and choose to use them for and not against themselves. They know what they value and how they want to live their lives and above all they are true to themselves.
Life Lesson Two – I love me.
Successful teens learn to accept themselves and they know that despite what is said to them that they do have the power within to do and be anything they choose. They know the power of self-belief and understand that failure is success waiting to be born bigger; they thrive on failures, learn from them and move on. They learn to accept the things about themselves they cannot change and they listen carefully to criticism from others, taking away only what is true for them. They can distinguish between someone’s opinion of them and how they feel about themselves, they are not affected by the thoughts of others.
Life lesson Three – Manage yourself- the only person I can control is myself.
Successful teens know that the only person that they can control is themselves. They are well aware that you cannot get anyone else to do anything and they have given up trying to change others, knowing that the only person they can change is themselves. They are aware of their feelings and the part they play in their lives and their relationships. They can distinguish between facts and feelings and can creatively solve problems.
Life Lesson Four – Take responsibility – What I give out is what I get back.
Successful teens know that responsibility is important. They understand with every right they have as young people they have a responsibility too. They are acutely aware of how their actions can affect others and strive to be role models for the behaviour they want to see towards them. They understand the value of support and never attempt anything alone. They treat others how they want to be treated.
Life Lesson Five – Plan for the Future – Failing to plan is planning to fail.
Every successful teen has a plan; they know where they want to go and how they are going to get there. They realise that success does not happen by chance. They realise that they have a purpose in life and their future will be in line with this; they are aware of the contribution they will make to society. They are relentless in the pursuit of their future.
Life Lesson Six – Become financially confident – Getting a job is only one way to make money.
The financially intelligent teen knows that money does not grow on trees and that to be rich is a planned adventure. They know the difference between spending, saving and investing and they seek first to invest before spending. They know that having a wonderful career and having a life full of “things” is not a recipe to be rich. They value the entrepreneurism that they have and strive to run their own business alongside what they do. They do not buy in to the “Study hard, get good grades get a good job and all will be well” mentality. They strive to learn as much about money as they do about anything else. They are not afraid of money. They do not shy away from it, they embrace it
Showing posts with label parenting teens. Show all posts
Showing posts with label parenting teens. Show all posts
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Friday, May 15, 2009
Sue Scheff: Hazing, Bullying and Teasing
Source: Connect with Kids
Hazing was created as a way to develop teamwork and unity among a group of individuals. It was also designed to “prove one’s worth.” While trust, devotion and determination are important attributes to possess, many organizations who participate in hazing take it to the extreme, turning it from a symbol of loyalty into a celebration of humiliation. Experts have developed a list of alternatives to hazing.
Plan events in which the whole group, team or organization attends (such as field trips, retreats, dances, movies and plays).
Participate in team-building activities (visiting a ropes course, playing paint ball, etc.).
Plan a social event with another group.
Develop a peer-mentor program within the group, teaming seasoned members with new members.
Work together on a community service project or plan fundraisers for local charitable organizations.
Hazing may not seem like a big deal to a lot of people. Students and parents may consider hazing a part of tradition, having fun or harmless pranks. But according to D'Arcy Lyness, a child and adolescent psychologist, viewing hazing this way only adds to the problem. It trivializes the actual dangers that exist in the act of hazing. There are steps, however, that parents can take to help prevent hazing, Lyness says.
Be educated about state anti-hazing laws (all but seven states have some sort of law applying to schools, colleges, universities and other educational institutions). Some schools – and states – may group hazing and bullying together in policies and laws.
Make sure your child's school and/or district has clearly defined policies that prohibit hazing, is taking measures to proactively prevent hazing from occurring and is acting immediately with repercussions when hazing does occur.
Ask your parent-teacher association and/or school administrators to invite a local law-enforcement official to speak to parents and/or the student body about hazing and the state's anti-hazing law.
Work with school personnel and student leaders to create powerful – and safe – experiences to promote positive alternatives to hazing that would foster cohesion in group, club and team membership.
Talk to other parents – especially those of upperclassmen and your child's sports teammates – about what their children may have seen or experienced. If you know that the problem exists at your child's school, you'll be better prepared to discuss it with your child, fellow parents and school officials.
Clichéd as it is, have the "if everyone else was jumping off the bridge, would you do it, too?" conversation with your child. Talk about why your child shouldn't feel pressured to participate in anything, even if "everyone else is doing it" or "it's always been done this way."
Talk specifically about hazing and what your child would do in a hypothetical hazing situation. Discuss how the group mentality sometimes can cause people to wait for someone else to do the right thing, stop something dangerous, speak out, etc. Discuss the topic in a way that doesn't lecture or tell your child what to think or do. Let your child know that often it takes just one person to speak out or take different action to change a situation. Others will follow if someone has the courage to be first to do something different or to be first to refuse to go along with the group.
Explain to your child that physical and mental abuse, no matter how harmless it may seem, isn't part of becoming a member of the in crowd or a specific group, and that it even may be against the law. Emphasize the importance of telling you and an adult at school whenever another kid or group of kids causes your child or anyone else physical harm.
If your child has experienced hazing, talk to school officials immediately. If physical abuse was involved, talk to your local law-enforcement agency. Though he or she may be unwilling or may feel uneasy about "telling on" peers, get precise details from your child about the incident – who, what, when, where and how.
Above all, maintain open communication with your child. Always ask what's going at school, what peers are doing, what pressures are present – physically, academically and socially. Encourage your child to come to you in any uncomfortable situation, big or small.
References
Kids Health
Stop Hazing
National School Safety Center
University of Maine
“I think that hazing by nature is not necessarily a bad thing. It's when it gets humiliating or cruel or overly anxiety-provoking and it becomes a traumatic event, we have to get rid of that.”
– John Lochridge, Ph.D., psychologist
Fifteen-year-old Sean Butkus sees hazing as a pretty normal part of team sports.
“Hazing is a way of initiating a kid and seeing if they’re determined enough’ he says. “Just like, it’s like a test to see if you know they’re gonna be there for you.”
As a freshman, Sean joined his older brother’s soccer team this fall. So he knew what to expect from hearing about his brother’s experience.
“He got his head shaved” says Sean. “And I knew maybe that would happen to me. I actually got a Mohawk.”
Psychologist John Lochridge makes the point that not all of these ‘rites of passage’ are damaging. They were originally meant to bring a group closer together through some sort of hardship, but within certain boundaries.
“I think that hazing by nature is not necessarily a bad thing,” Lochridge says. “It’s when it gets humiliating or cruel or overly anxiety-provoking and it becomes a traumatic event, we have to get rid of that.”
A new survey finds that 45 percent of high school kids have been hazed: one in four was sleep deprived and 8 percent of the kids had to drink so much they either got sick or passed out.
“There’s just not enough supervisors to see what’s happening in every room – what’s happening in the bathroom, the locker room – there’s just so many places where so many things can happen,” Sean says.
Experts say the key is for the adults in charge to be proactive, to be alert, to ask questions and to make boundaries clear at the beginning of the year or the start of the season.
“There needs to be no sexuality involved and no abuse, no nudity, no humiliation – those kinds of things are above and beyond,” says Lochridge.
And coaches in particular can make sure they pick the right kids to be the team leaders.
It helps to have captains who are approachable, who are mature enough to listen to the new kids, Lochridge states.
“You want a relationship somewhere between the kids where the ones who are being hazed can go to the older ones and say, look, this is enough,” he adds. “It’s gone over the line. It’s getting inappropriate. And hopefully, the older ones have the wisdom to respond to that.”
Sean was lucky. His team captains were responsible and his experience was all in good fun.
“I mean, we still laugh about it,” he says. “I liked it.”
Tips for Parents
– John Lochridge, Ph.D., psychologist
Fifteen-year-old Sean Butkus sees hazing as a pretty normal part of team sports.
“Hazing is a way of initiating a kid and seeing if they’re determined enough’ he says. “Just like, it’s like a test to see if you know they’re gonna be there for you.”
As a freshman, Sean joined his older brother’s soccer team this fall. So he knew what to expect from hearing about his brother’s experience.
“He got his head shaved” says Sean. “And I knew maybe that would happen to me. I actually got a Mohawk.”
Psychologist John Lochridge makes the point that not all of these ‘rites of passage’ are damaging. They were originally meant to bring a group closer together through some sort of hardship, but within certain boundaries.
“I think that hazing by nature is not necessarily a bad thing,” Lochridge says. “It’s when it gets humiliating or cruel or overly anxiety-provoking and it becomes a traumatic event, we have to get rid of that.”
A new survey finds that 45 percent of high school kids have been hazed: one in four was sleep deprived and 8 percent of the kids had to drink so much they either got sick or passed out.
“There’s just not enough supervisors to see what’s happening in every room – what’s happening in the bathroom, the locker room – there’s just so many places where so many things can happen,” Sean says.
Experts say the key is for the adults in charge to be proactive, to be alert, to ask questions and to make boundaries clear at the beginning of the year or the start of the season.
“There needs to be no sexuality involved and no abuse, no nudity, no humiliation – those kinds of things are above and beyond,” says Lochridge.
And coaches in particular can make sure they pick the right kids to be the team leaders.
It helps to have captains who are approachable, who are mature enough to listen to the new kids, Lochridge states.
“You want a relationship somewhere between the kids where the ones who are being hazed can go to the older ones and say, look, this is enough,” he adds. “It’s gone over the line. It’s getting inappropriate. And hopefully, the older ones have the wisdom to respond to that.”
Sean was lucky. His team captains were responsible and his experience was all in good fun.
“I mean, we still laugh about it,” he says. “I liked it.”
Tips for Parents
Hazing was created as a way to develop teamwork and unity among a group of individuals. It was also designed to “prove one’s worth.” While trust, devotion and determination are important attributes to possess, many organizations who participate in hazing take it to the extreme, turning it from a symbol of loyalty into a celebration of humiliation. Experts have developed a list of alternatives to hazing.
Plan events in which the whole group, team or organization attends (such as field trips, retreats, dances, movies and plays).
Participate in team-building activities (visiting a ropes course, playing paint ball, etc.).
Plan a social event with another group.
Develop a peer-mentor program within the group, teaming seasoned members with new members.
Work together on a community service project or plan fundraisers for local charitable organizations.
Hazing may not seem like a big deal to a lot of people. Students and parents may consider hazing a part of tradition, having fun or harmless pranks. But according to D'Arcy Lyness, a child and adolescent psychologist, viewing hazing this way only adds to the problem. It trivializes the actual dangers that exist in the act of hazing. There are steps, however, that parents can take to help prevent hazing, Lyness says.
Be educated about state anti-hazing laws (all but seven states have some sort of law applying to schools, colleges, universities and other educational institutions). Some schools – and states – may group hazing and bullying together in policies and laws.
Make sure your child's school and/or district has clearly defined policies that prohibit hazing, is taking measures to proactively prevent hazing from occurring and is acting immediately with repercussions when hazing does occur.
Ask your parent-teacher association and/or school administrators to invite a local law-enforcement official to speak to parents and/or the student body about hazing and the state's anti-hazing law.
Work with school personnel and student leaders to create powerful – and safe – experiences to promote positive alternatives to hazing that would foster cohesion in group, club and team membership.
Talk to other parents – especially those of upperclassmen and your child's sports teammates – about what their children may have seen or experienced. If you know that the problem exists at your child's school, you'll be better prepared to discuss it with your child, fellow parents and school officials.
Clichéd as it is, have the "if everyone else was jumping off the bridge, would you do it, too?" conversation with your child. Talk about why your child shouldn't feel pressured to participate in anything, even if "everyone else is doing it" or "it's always been done this way."
Talk specifically about hazing and what your child would do in a hypothetical hazing situation. Discuss how the group mentality sometimes can cause people to wait for someone else to do the right thing, stop something dangerous, speak out, etc. Discuss the topic in a way that doesn't lecture or tell your child what to think or do. Let your child know that often it takes just one person to speak out or take different action to change a situation. Others will follow if someone has the courage to be first to do something different or to be first to refuse to go along with the group.
Explain to your child that physical and mental abuse, no matter how harmless it may seem, isn't part of becoming a member of the in crowd or a specific group, and that it even may be against the law. Emphasize the importance of telling you and an adult at school whenever another kid or group of kids causes your child or anyone else physical harm.
If your child has experienced hazing, talk to school officials immediately. If physical abuse was involved, talk to your local law-enforcement agency. Though he or she may be unwilling or may feel uneasy about "telling on" peers, get precise details from your child about the incident – who, what, when, where and how.
Above all, maintain open communication with your child. Always ask what's going at school, what peers are doing, what pressures are present – physically, academically and socially. Encourage your child to come to you in any uncomfortable situation, big or small.
References
Kids Health
Stop Hazing
National School Safety Center
University of Maine
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Teens and Body Piercing
Source: TeensHealth
What Is a Body Piercing and What Can You Expect?
A body piercing is exactly that — a piercing or puncture made in your body by a needle. After that, a piece of jewelry is inserted into the puncture. The most popular pierced body parts seem to be the ears, the nostrils, and the belly button.
If the person performing the piercing provides a safe, clean, and professional environment, this is what you should expect from getting a body part pierced:
The area you've chosen to be pierced (except for the tongue) is cleaned with a germicidal soap (a soap that kills disease-causing bacteria and microorganisms).
Your skin is then punctured with a very sharp, clean needle.
The piece of jewelry, which has already been sterilized, is attached to the area.
The person performing the piercing disposes of the needle in a special container so that there is no risk of the needle or blood touching someone else.
The pierced area is cleaned.
The person performing the piercing checks and adjusts the jewelry.
The person performing the piercing gives you instructions on how to make sure your new piercing heals correctly and what to do if there is a problem.
Read the entire article: http://teenshealth.org/teen/your_body/body_art/body_piercing_safe.html
What Is a Body Piercing and What Can You Expect?
A body piercing is exactly that — a piercing or puncture made in your body by a needle. After that, a piece of jewelry is inserted into the puncture. The most popular pierced body parts seem to be the ears, the nostrils, and the belly button.
If the person performing the piercing provides a safe, clean, and professional environment, this is what you should expect from getting a body part pierced:
The area you've chosen to be pierced (except for the tongue) is cleaned with a germicidal soap (a soap that kills disease-causing bacteria and microorganisms).
Your skin is then punctured with a very sharp, clean needle.
The piece of jewelry, which has already been sterilized, is attached to the area.
The person performing the piercing disposes of the needle in a special container so that there is no risk of the needle or blood touching someone else.
The pierced area is cleaned.
The person performing the piercing checks and adjusts the jewelry.
The person performing the piercing gives you instructions on how to make sure your new piercing heals correctly and what to do if there is a problem.
Read the entire article: http://teenshealth.org/teen/your_body/body_art/body_piercing_safe.html
Friday, April 3, 2009
Sue Scheff: Teen Depression
As I saw on the news, experts are saying that parents with children between the ages of 12-18 should have them screened for depression. It is not about promoting medication, it is about helping to understand if there are areas in their lives that can be causing stress and anxiety that can leave to making negative choices such has experimenting with substance abuse, hanging with a less than desirable peer group, feelings of low self worth, etc. Like adults, children can be prone to depression and stress and not mature enough to understand these feelings. With this, acting out in a negative way can follow. Take time to learn more.
Source: USA Today
Experts: Doctors should screen teens for depression.
If you have teens or tweens, government-appointed experts have a message: U.S. adolescents should be routinely screened for major depression by their primary care doctors. The benefits of screening kids 12 to 18 years old outweigh any risks if doctors can assure an accurate diagnosis, treatment and follow-up care, says the independent U.S. Preventive Services Task Force.
It’s a change from the group’s 2002 report concluding there wasn’t enough evidence to support or oppose screening for teens. The task force, though, says there’s still insufficient proof about the benefits and harms of screening children 7 to 11 years old.
Depression strikes about 1 out of 20 teens, and it’s been linked to lower grades, more physical illness and drug use, as well as early pregnancy.
Questionnaires can accurately identify teens prone to depression, plus there’s new evidence that therapy and/or some antidepressants can benefit them, the expert panel says in a report in today’s Pediatrics . But careful monitoring is vital since there’s “convincing evidence” that antidepressants can increase suicidal behavior in teens, the report says.
Accompanying the task force advisory in Pediatrics is a research review saying there have been few studies on the accuracy of depression screening tests, but the tests “have performed fairly well” among adolescents. Treatment can knock down symptoms of depression, say the reviewers from Kaiser Permanente and the Oregon Evidence-Based Practice Center in Portland, Ore.
In a “show me the money” volley back, pediatricians also weigh in on the topic in today’s issue of their journal. Insurance plans and managed care companies that stiff or under-pay pediatricians for mental health services throw up barriers to mental health care in doctors’ offices, says the American Academy of Pediatrics. Kids’ doctors should be compensated for screenings, as well as consults with mental health specialists and parents, AAP recommends.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Sue Scheff: Stop Bullying Now!
Kids today, both teens and pre-teens, can be extremely mean and cause emotional issues to their target. What can parents do? Read more about how you can help stop bullying.
Source: Stop Bullying Now!
Source: Stop Bullying Now!
What Can Adults Do?
Welcome to the Take a Stand. Lend a Hand. Stop Bullying Now! adult pages. As an adult, one of best ways you can help stop or prevent bullying is to be educated about, and sensitive to, the issue. Bullying is NOT a rite of passage - an undesirable, but sometimes unavoidable, reality of growing up. Rather, bullying is a serious public health issue that affects countless young people everyday. Further, research shows that the effects of bullying can last well into adulthood. Whether you are a concerned parent, an educator or school employee, a health and safety professional, or someone else who works with children, there are many things you can do to help.
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Next Generation Parenting - Innovative Parenting for the New Generation
Wow - I recently was introduced to this fantastic up-to-date information for parents on parenting the next generation.
From new parenting techniques, ideas, and how to be a smart parent today NexGen Parenting has it all! They also have a great selection of books and blogs to learn from.
Here is a brief example of their vast information:
Xtreme Parenting
The slacker image that Generation X earned in the early 90s is gone. No longer seen as lazy and directionless, the thirty- and forty-somethings of today are regarded as driven go-getters. Extreme and maniacally focused on everything they do from sports (X games), to work (Silicon Valley pioneers staying up all night to launch new tech products), to parenting. That’s right; GenX is turning out to be some of the most conservative, protective, proactive parents in history. They enact legislation for smaller class sizes, volunteer at school, leave their fast-paced jobs to stay home with their children, and homeschool their kids in record numbers.
In a modern twist, Gen X parents use technology to ensure the safety of their young. Baby monitors with video cameras or alarms that go off when infants stop breathing are immensely popular. Nannycams and Webcams are used to keep an eye on kids in daycare. Parents today purchase swings that play music, voice-activated bouncy seats with bubbling brook sounds, and software to teach phonics to preschoolers. While the last generation of kids begged to carry cell phones and pagers to be cool, Gen X parents insist that their children stay wired and reachable for peace of mind.
Learn more at http://www.nextgenparenting.com/.
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Sue Scheff: PE4Life - Parenting Teens - Exercising Through Teen Issues
Parents are busy with a full workday, helping their children with homework, engaging their children in after school activities, and so on. This doesn't leave a whole lot of time for physical activity in your own lives. Do you realize that schools have devalued and cut physical education to the point that the majority of children get one day of PE per week? Children today have a shorter life expectancy than their parents for the first time in one hundred years because of the epidemic of obesity, according to Dr. William Klish, Professor of Pediatrics and Head of Pediatric Gastroenterology at Baylor College of Medicine. Lack of PE at school is a disservice to your child's health. Speak up. Demand that your school offers daily quality physical education. Use PE4life as a resource partner to enhance your school's PE program. A recent study revealed that 81% of teachers and 85% of parents favor requiring students to take physical education every day at every grade level. As parents, you can rally people in your community to get involved by ordering a PE4life Community Action kit video and show it to the PTA, the school board and other community groups. The next step is to invite PE4life to make a presentation to your school leaders, bring a team of people to train at a PE4life Academy, or invite PE4life to do an in-service for your school staff. As your resource partner, PE4life can provide these and many other services to your school as you work to get children more active and healthy.
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Sue Scheff - Teen Suicide
Suicide is the third most common cause of death amongst adolescents between 15-24 years of age, and the sixth most common cause of death amongst 5-14 year olds. It is estimated that over half of all teens suffering from depression will attempt suicide at least once, and of those teens, roughly seven percent will succeed on the first try. Teenagers are especially vulnerable to the threat of suicide, because in addition to increased stress from school, work and peers, teens are also dealing with hormonal fluctuations that can complicate even the most normal situations.
Because of these social and personal changes, teens are also at higher risk for depression, which can also increase feelings of despair and the desire to commit suicide.
Because of these social and personal changes, teens are also at higher risk for depression, which can also increase feelings of despair and the desire to commit suicide.
In fact, according to a study by the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) almost all people who commit suicide suffer from a diagnosable mental disorder or substance abuse disorder. Often, teens feel as though they have no other way out of their problems, and may not realize that suicidal thoughts and feelings can be treated. Unfortunately, due to the often volatile relationship between teens and their parents, teens may not be as forthcoming about suicidal feelings as parents would hope. The good news is there are many signs parents can watch for in their teen without necessarily needing their teen to open up to them.
At some point in most teens’ lives, they will experience periods of sadness, worry and/or despair. While it is completely normal for a healthy person to have these types of responses to pain resulting from loss, dismissal, or disillusionment, those with serious (often undiagnosed) mental illnesses often experience much more drastic reactions. Many times these severe reactions will leave the teen in despair, and they may feel that there is no end in sight to their suffering. It is at this point that the teen may lose hope, and with the absence of hope comes more depression and the feeling that suicide is the only solution. It isn’t.
Teen girls are statistically twice as likely as their male counterparts to attempt suicide. They tend to turn to drugs (overdosing) or to cut themselves, while boys are traditionally more successful in their suicide attempts because they utilize more lethal methods such as guns and hanging. This method preference makes boys almost four times more successful in committing suicide.
Studies have borne out that suicide rates rise considerably when teens can access firearms in their home. In fact, nearly 60% of suicides committed in the United States that result in immediate death are accomplished with a gun. This is one crucial reason that any gun kept in a home with teens, even if that teen does not display any outward signs of depression, be stored in a locked compartment away from any ammunition. In fact, the ammunition should be stored in a locked compartment as well, and the keys to both the gun and ammunition compartments should be kept in a different area from where normal, everyday keys are kept. Remember to always keep firearms, ammunition, and the keys to the locks containing them, away from kids.Unfortunately, teen suicide is not a rare event.
In the United States, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) estimates that suicide is the third leading cause of death for people between the ages of 15 and 24. This disturbing trend is affecting younger children as well, with suicide rates experiencing dramatic increases in the under-15 age group from 1980 to 1996. Suicide attempts are even more prevalent, though it is difficult to track the exact rates.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Sue Scheff: Aniexty Disorders
Source: Connect withKids
“Instead of looking at the whole picture, I’ll be looking at the dots and lines in a picture.”
– Courtney, 17 years old
Seventeen-year-old Courtney is obsessed with saving. She saves everything—even hair. She even saves hair from her brush or off of her shirt.
Daye Blackmon, Courtney’s mother, says she saved “hair that she may find on her shirt, in her brush—she saved it at the foot of her bed.”
Courtney eventually examines each piece of hair. Daye says that “in Courtney’s mind” there may be something important on the hair that Courtney didn’t want to throw away.
Courtney suffers from a severe case of obsessive-compulsive disorder, or OCD. It started when she was 13.
At the root of it is extreme anxiety.
But she’s found an unusual way to cope. Courtney narrates everything she does. She checks behind herself every time she leaves a room, a ritual is so intrusive that it once took her more than two hours to walk up the stairs to her bedroom.
Her mom says, “It seems like everything she does is a ritual.”
Experts say, not every child with anxiety or obsessive behaviors will be diagnosed with O-C-D. But the sooner you can get treatment, the less likely it will develop into something worse.
Dr. John Piacentini, clinical child psychologist, explains, “Many of these kids don’t grow out of it, they won’t grow out of it, and so kind of ignoring it or thinking that it’s not a problem can really lead to more severe problems down the road.”
For those, like Courtney, behavior therapy and medication can help.
And, experts say, parents can help kids through anxious moments and obsessive behavior by showing them positive ways of coping.
“I think you’re actually trying to teach your child to be flexible. Give them different different options—even if that’s different rituals—just so they’re not always stuck with one coping mechanism,” says Dr. Vincent Ho, child psychiatrist.
Courtney’s behavior therapy and medication have helped a lot, but her mom says that she still has a long way to go.
Tips for Parents
Anxiety disorders are the most common mental health problems that occur in children and adolescents. According to one large-scale study of 9 to 17 year olds, entitled Methods for the Epidemiology of Child and Adolescent Mental Disorders (MECA), as many as 13 percent of young people had an anxiety disorder in a year. Types of anxiety disorders include:
Generalized Anxiety Disorder: symptoms include exaggerated worry and tension over everyday events.
Panic Disorder: characterized by feelings of extreme fear and dread that strike unexpectedly and repeatedly for no apparent reason, often accompanied by intense physical symptoms, such as chest pain, pounding heart, shortness of breath, dizziness, or abdominal distress.
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD): a condition that can occur after exposure to a terrifying event, most often characterized by the repeated re-experience of the ordeal in the form of frightening, intrusive memories, and brings on hypervigilance and deadening of normal emotions.
Phobias: social phobia, extreme fear of embarrassment or being scrutinized; specific phobia, excessive fear of an object or situation, such as dogs, heights, loud sounds, flying, costumed characters, enclosed spaces, etc.
Separation anxiety disorder - excessive anxiety concerning separation from the home or from those to whom the person is most attached
Selective mutism - persistent failure to speak in specific social situations.
One of the most debilitating of the anxiety disorders is obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). OCD is a type of disorder in which time-consuming obsessions and compulsions significantly interfere with a person’s routine, making it difficult to work or to have a normal social life or relationships. OCD can strike at any age but often begins in adolescence or early adulthood. Afflicting nearly 4 million Americans, OCD is equally common in men and women and knows no geographic, ethnic, or economic boundaries. Generally, OCD is characterized by two components:
Obsessions - constant, intrusive, unwanted thoughts that cause distressing emotions such as anxiety or disgust. Children experiencing obsessions recognize that these persistent images are a product of their own mind and are excessive or unreasonable. Yet, these intrusive thoughts cannot be settled by logic or reasoning. For example, some people may constantly fear bringing harm or injury to themselves or others or worry excessively about germs and contamination.
Compulsions - urges to do something to lessen discomfort, usually discomfort that is caused by an obsession. Rituals are the behaviors in which children engage in response to a compulsion. In the most severe cases, a constant repetition of rituals may fill the day, making a normal routine impossible. Compounding the anguish these rituals cause is the knowledge that the compulsions are irrational. Examples of compulsions include:
Cleaning - Provoked by the fear that real or imagined germs, dirt, or chemicals will "contaminate" them, some spend hours and hours washing themselves or cleaning their surroundings.
Repeating - To dispel anxiety, some utter a name, phrase, or behavior several times. They know these repetitions won’t actually guard against injury but fear harm will occur if they don’t do it.
Completing - People with this compulsion must perform a series of complicated behaviors in an exact order or repeat them again and again until they are done perfectly.
Checking - The fear of harming oneself or others by forgetting to lock the door or close the window develops into the ritual of checking.
Being meticulous - While neatness and tidiness don’t signify a disorder, some individuals with OCD develop an overwhelming concern about where things go on a desk or the appearance of a room.
Avoiding - Compulsive avoiders stay away from the cause of their anxiety and anything related to it.
Hoarding - One of the less common compulsions, hoarding involves the constant collection of useless items. People with this compulsion may collect anything - scraps, newspapers, clothing, containers, cans, stones, even garbage - to the point that rooms are filled, doorways are blocked, and health hazards develop.
Slowness - Also a rather uncommon compulsion that strikes mostly men, this compulsion causes people to do certain tasks very, very slowly.
Other varieties of compulsions include excessive and ritualized praying, counting, and list making.
OCD is not a curable illness, however it can be treated and controlled. Ironically, some of the biggest impediments to the successful treatment of OCD are related to the nature of the illness itself, as well as parental and child perceptions of the effects of the illness. Children and adolescent may feel shame for doing/thinking such bizarre things, coupled with a fear of being considered "weird", "strange" or crazy. The generally secretive nature of the disease, lack of knowledge about OCD, and a fear of medication and/or other types of therapy also serve as to negatively effect treatment of OCD. Without treatment, the prognosis for OCD is not good. The disorder waxes and wanes, but left untreated the OCD will continue indefinitely. Generally only about 10-20% of OCD sufferers have a spontaneous remission of symptoms without some kind of treatment.
With treatment, the prognosis for OCD is very good. Up to 80% of OCD sufferers improve significantly with proper treatment of behavioral therapy and medication. The two most effective treatments for OCD are drug therapy and behavior therapy.
Currently, the most effective medications for OCD are the SSRI's (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors). These medications have brand names such as Prozac, Paxil, Luvox, and Zoloft as well as the tricyclic Anafranil. These are the only medications proven effective for OCD thus far. Other medications may be added to improve the effect of the SSRI’s. These medications can result in a 40-95% decrease in symptoms if taken properly.
The primary types of behavior therapy used for OCD treatment are exposure and response prevention. While this therapy can initially be anxiety provoking in and of itself, it is the best method of permanently reducing obsessions and compulsions.
Ultimately, the most effective treatment for OCD is a combination of pharmacological and behavioral therapies.
References
National Institute of Mental Health
American Psychiatric Association
Obsessive Compulsive and Spectrum Disorders Association
“Instead of looking at the whole picture, I’ll be looking at the dots and lines in a picture.”
– Courtney, 17 years old
Seventeen-year-old Courtney is obsessed with saving. She saves everything—even hair. She even saves hair from her brush or off of her shirt.
Daye Blackmon, Courtney’s mother, says she saved “hair that she may find on her shirt, in her brush—she saved it at the foot of her bed.”
Courtney eventually examines each piece of hair. Daye says that “in Courtney’s mind” there may be something important on the hair that Courtney didn’t want to throw away.
Courtney suffers from a severe case of obsessive-compulsive disorder, or OCD. It started when she was 13.
At the root of it is extreme anxiety.
But she’s found an unusual way to cope. Courtney narrates everything she does. She checks behind herself every time she leaves a room, a ritual is so intrusive that it once took her more than two hours to walk up the stairs to her bedroom.
Her mom says, “It seems like everything she does is a ritual.”
Experts say, not every child with anxiety or obsessive behaviors will be diagnosed with O-C-D. But the sooner you can get treatment, the less likely it will develop into something worse.
Dr. John Piacentini, clinical child psychologist, explains, “Many of these kids don’t grow out of it, they won’t grow out of it, and so kind of ignoring it or thinking that it’s not a problem can really lead to more severe problems down the road.”
For those, like Courtney, behavior therapy and medication can help.
And, experts say, parents can help kids through anxious moments and obsessive behavior by showing them positive ways of coping.
“I think you’re actually trying to teach your child to be flexible. Give them different different options—even if that’s different rituals—just so they’re not always stuck with one coping mechanism,” says Dr. Vincent Ho, child psychiatrist.
Courtney’s behavior therapy and medication have helped a lot, but her mom says that she still has a long way to go.
Tips for Parents
Anxiety disorders are the most common mental health problems that occur in children and adolescents. According to one large-scale study of 9 to 17 year olds, entitled Methods for the Epidemiology of Child and Adolescent Mental Disorders (MECA), as many as 13 percent of young people had an anxiety disorder in a year. Types of anxiety disorders include:
Generalized Anxiety Disorder: symptoms include exaggerated worry and tension over everyday events.
Panic Disorder: characterized by feelings of extreme fear and dread that strike unexpectedly and repeatedly for no apparent reason, often accompanied by intense physical symptoms, such as chest pain, pounding heart, shortness of breath, dizziness, or abdominal distress.
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD): a condition that can occur after exposure to a terrifying event, most often characterized by the repeated re-experience of the ordeal in the form of frightening, intrusive memories, and brings on hypervigilance and deadening of normal emotions.
Phobias: social phobia, extreme fear of embarrassment or being scrutinized; specific phobia, excessive fear of an object or situation, such as dogs, heights, loud sounds, flying, costumed characters, enclosed spaces, etc.
Separation anxiety disorder - excessive anxiety concerning separation from the home or from those to whom the person is most attached
Selective mutism - persistent failure to speak in specific social situations.
One of the most debilitating of the anxiety disorders is obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). OCD is a type of disorder in which time-consuming obsessions and compulsions significantly interfere with a person’s routine, making it difficult to work or to have a normal social life or relationships. OCD can strike at any age but often begins in adolescence or early adulthood. Afflicting nearly 4 million Americans, OCD is equally common in men and women and knows no geographic, ethnic, or economic boundaries. Generally, OCD is characterized by two components:
Obsessions - constant, intrusive, unwanted thoughts that cause distressing emotions such as anxiety or disgust. Children experiencing obsessions recognize that these persistent images are a product of their own mind and are excessive or unreasonable. Yet, these intrusive thoughts cannot be settled by logic or reasoning. For example, some people may constantly fear bringing harm or injury to themselves or others or worry excessively about germs and contamination.
Compulsions - urges to do something to lessen discomfort, usually discomfort that is caused by an obsession. Rituals are the behaviors in which children engage in response to a compulsion. In the most severe cases, a constant repetition of rituals may fill the day, making a normal routine impossible. Compounding the anguish these rituals cause is the knowledge that the compulsions are irrational. Examples of compulsions include:
Cleaning - Provoked by the fear that real or imagined germs, dirt, or chemicals will "contaminate" them, some spend hours and hours washing themselves or cleaning their surroundings.
Repeating - To dispel anxiety, some utter a name, phrase, or behavior several times. They know these repetitions won’t actually guard against injury but fear harm will occur if they don’t do it.
Completing - People with this compulsion must perform a series of complicated behaviors in an exact order or repeat them again and again until they are done perfectly.
Checking - The fear of harming oneself or others by forgetting to lock the door or close the window develops into the ritual of checking.
Being meticulous - While neatness and tidiness don’t signify a disorder, some individuals with OCD develop an overwhelming concern about where things go on a desk or the appearance of a room.
Avoiding - Compulsive avoiders stay away from the cause of their anxiety and anything related to it.
Hoarding - One of the less common compulsions, hoarding involves the constant collection of useless items. People with this compulsion may collect anything - scraps, newspapers, clothing, containers, cans, stones, even garbage - to the point that rooms are filled, doorways are blocked, and health hazards develop.
Slowness - Also a rather uncommon compulsion that strikes mostly men, this compulsion causes people to do certain tasks very, very slowly.
Other varieties of compulsions include excessive and ritualized praying, counting, and list making.
OCD is not a curable illness, however it can be treated and controlled. Ironically, some of the biggest impediments to the successful treatment of OCD are related to the nature of the illness itself, as well as parental and child perceptions of the effects of the illness. Children and adolescent may feel shame for doing/thinking such bizarre things, coupled with a fear of being considered "weird", "strange" or crazy. The generally secretive nature of the disease, lack of knowledge about OCD, and a fear of medication and/or other types of therapy also serve as to negatively effect treatment of OCD. Without treatment, the prognosis for OCD is not good. The disorder waxes and wanes, but left untreated the OCD will continue indefinitely. Generally only about 10-20% of OCD sufferers have a spontaneous remission of symptoms without some kind of treatment.
With treatment, the prognosis for OCD is very good. Up to 80% of OCD sufferers improve significantly with proper treatment of behavioral therapy and medication. The two most effective treatments for OCD are drug therapy and behavior therapy.
Currently, the most effective medications for OCD are the SSRI's (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors). These medications have brand names such as Prozac, Paxil, Luvox, and Zoloft as well as the tricyclic Anafranil. These are the only medications proven effective for OCD thus far. Other medications may be added to improve the effect of the SSRI’s. These medications can result in a 40-95% decrease in symptoms if taken properly.
The primary types of behavior therapy used for OCD treatment are exposure and response prevention. While this therapy can initially be anxiety provoking in and of itself, it is the best method of permanently reducing obsessions and compulsions.
Ultimately, the most effective treatment for OCD is a combination of pharmacological and behavioral therapies.
References
National Institute of Mental Health
American Psychiatric Association
Obsessive Compulsive and Spectrum Disorders Association
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Sue Scheff: Teen Peer Pressure
Peer Pressure leads to "Good Teens Making Bad Choices" which is very common today.
Teen Peer Pressure can be extremely damaging to a pre-teen or teen that is desperately trying to fit in somewhere – anywhere in their school. They are not sure what group they belong in, and those that are suffering with low self esteem can end up fitting more comfortably with the less than desirable peers. This can be the beginning of a downward spiral. When a child doesn’t have confidence of who they are or where they belong, it can lead to the place that is easiest to fit in – usually the not the best crowd.
Keeping your child involved in activities such as sports, music and school clubs can help give them a place where they belong. We always encourage parents to find the one thing that truly interests their child, whether it is a musical instrument, swimming, golf, diving, dance, chess club, drama, etc. It is important to find out what their interests are and help them build on it. Encourage them 100%. They don’t need to be the next Tiger Woods, but they need to enjoy what they are doing and keep busy doing it. Staying busy in a constructive way is always beneficial.
It is very common with many parents that contact us that their child has fallen into the wrong crowd and has become a follower rather than a leader. They are making bad choices, choices they know better however the fear of not fitting in with their friends sways them to make the wrong decisions. Low self esteem can attribute to this behavior, and if it has escalated to a point of dangerous situations such as legal issues, substance use, gang related activity, etc. it may be time to seek outside help. Remember, don’t be ashamed of this, it is very common today and you are not alone. So many parents believe others will think it is a reflection of their parenting skills, however with today’s society; the teen peer pressure is stronger than it ever has been. The Internet explosion combined with many teens Entitlement Issues has made today’s generation a difficult one to understand.
It is so important to find the right fit for your child if you are seeking residential treatment. We always encourage *local adolescent counseling prior to any Residential Treatment Programs or Boarding schools, however this is not always necessary. Many parents have an instinct when their child is heading the wrong direction. It is an intuition only a parent can detect. If something doesn't seem right, it usually isn't. If your gut is talking to you, you may want to listen or investigate what your child is doing. Parents need to understand that teen peer pressure can influence adolescents in negative ways. Do you know who your child’s friends are?
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Teen Self Injury and Cutting by Sue Scheff
Self Injury and Cutting
Self abuse (or self mutilation) can come in many forms; most commonly it is associated with cutting, hair pulling or bone breaking, but it can also manifest itself as eating disorders like bulimia, and/or anorexia. This site will focus mainly on cutting, which is the most common form of self abuse, with 72% of all self injurers choosing to do so by cutting themselves, and hair pulling. Cutting is exactly as it sounds; when your teen cuts him or herself as a physical expression to feel emotional pain. There are many reasons why teens injure themselves, but many people assume it’s just ‘for attention’. Often this can be an element of why your teen may be abusing him or her self, but just as often it can be something your teen does privately to express the emotional pain they feel inside. And while self injury is a taboo subject, it is estimated that 3 to 6 million Americans self injure themselves in some way, and that number is on the increase- in fact, its already doubled in the past three years.
Why Teens Self Injure
According to experts, one of the most common reasons teens self injure is because the injury is in some way a “release” from emotional anxiety. The pain of the injury provides a distraction from the emotional pain the teen is feeling, and acts almost as a drug to them. It can also help the injured feel ‘human’ again, by putting them in touch with a common human experience: pain.
Another reason teens may self injure is for the attention they get from the physical manifestation of their injuries. For example, some teens may cut because they get attention from the blood and scars obtained from cutting. Teens that cut for attention may feel neglected in some way, and usually do not care if they receive negative or positive attention from cutting.
Statistics have shown time and time again that the “average” cutter (and in fact, self injurer) is most commonly female.
According to [Dr. Charles Goodstein of the New York University School of Medicine, cutting regularly occurs in one in every 200 adolescent girls between the ages of 13 and 19. Typically, young women begin cutting in their teens following some sort of physical and/or sexual abuse (most commonly sexual abuse). Statistically, the average female cutter was raised with at least one alcoholic parent in the home. Cutters are also typically of middle to upper middle class backgrounds and usually well educated, though this is not always the case. Experts suggest women may be more prone to cutting or self injury because (as opposed to young men) they are not taught to repress their emotions, so keeping any traumatic ‘secret’ becomes extremely difficult for them. Cutting is then used as an outlet for that anxiety; the bleeding is metaphorically releasing the painful secrets the cutter has been holding on to, without requiring the cutter to tell anyone anything.
Unfortunately, studies have also shown that women who self injure are less likely than men to be taken seriously when and if they do seek help for their disorder. Despite its tendency to appear in young women, it is important to remember that cutting affects both men and women, and can appear in any age group, socio-economic group or education level.
Friday, August 8, 2008
11 Strategies: If you suspect your teen is smoking pot
This is a tricky subject and different for every family, but I truly believe that every kid who wants to get pot, can.
Therefore, I always tell parents, it is extremely difficult to try to shield a kid today from being exposed to pot because it is so prominent. I believe parents, and what I do with many of my clients, need to spend their efforts trying to equip kids to make the right choices, so when they are exposed to it, they will choose not to smoke.
To be very honest, no matter how strict a curfew you have, how often you drug test your kids, or whether they are an athlete, a scholar or a jock (see Teens Dealing Urine Post), your kid will always find a way to smoke marijuana if they want to. They key is making sure they do not want to.
1) Ask Questions
Before you dive into trying to equip them with the power to ‘say no,’ try to gauge their level of involvement. Ask the tough questions. I am not saying to grill them before they go out, but showing them you are paying attention and are very involved is important and you can get an idea of how much or how little you know about their social life.
2) Listen to the Answers
Most times, when I hear parents talk to their kids, parents do ask questions, but then answer the questions themselves. A question, and then silence will get you a long way. For some reason, even after we have already given a one-word answer, if we feel you are still waiting for more, we either get nervous (a sign we are hiding something) or splurge and let our mouths go. Also look at your kid’s immediate facial response as soon as you ask a question. We are not as good at hiding our emotions and you might be able to gauge a lot by watching our reaction.
3) Look at Their Friends
I constantly hear the “well, it’s not my kid because…” response when I do speaking engagements on this topic. If you feel your child is either an angel or unreadable, look at their friends behavior. Have they gotten in trouble? Are they the ones who make the decisions where to go on the weekends? Friend’s behavior means everything in the world of pot.
4) Talk to Your Friends and Other Parents
Get informed about the pot culture in general and in your specific community. I post frequently on this topic and what kids are doing right now, so you can stay a step ahead. I highly recommend getting together with parent friends and talking about what your kids are doing and sharing notes about what they think is going on.
5) Don’t Lecture!
If you think we are doing pot, dabbling in pot, seeing it at parties or just want to talk to us about it, please talk, don’t lecture. I promise, we have heard all of the negative sides to smoking weed in health class. As soon as you start lecturing us, we stop listening. So, instead of approaching it like a health teacher, ask questions and let us come to our own conclusion, usually we know what is right or wrong, and if we feel like you are talking to us about it, not at us, at least we will come to you if we have questions or problems down the road.
6) Find Out Why:
This is tricky, it is important to understand that, today, pot is not only for ‘the stoner’ kids. All different kinds of kids are doing it and it has become a sort of social unifier. A drama kid and a jock might not hang out at a party, but if they get to the party and share a joint, they are friends. It is really important to understand this new social aspect and that it permeates all kinds of peer groups.
7) Build their Esteem:
If you cannot prevent them from encountering pot, you can empower them to make the right choices. I do believe there is peer pressure to smoke (see video). It is hard to say no when it feels like everyone is doing it and you know that if you smoke, you have the chance to be friends with that jock, who would never talk to you other wise. So encourage them to do esteem building activities, like running for student council, working out, or doing a hobby and help them be proud of who they are by engaging in their unique qualities.
8) Offer Other Activities:
When you talk to your parent friends, make sure everyone is on the same page with curfews and activities. If there is a semi-formal or prom coming up, offer to host a substance-free after party, host bbqs and movie nights. I think many kids smoke simply because there is nothing better to do.
9) Offer Other Options:
As horrible as it sounds, if your kid wants to smoke, they will find a way. Make sure that they know never to drive high. If you think they are smoking and you cannot do anything about it (sometimes it happens), then at least tell them to call you if they are ever in a situation and they will not get in trouble. Many, many, kids drive high or drunk and this worries me more than anything. If you do not think they would call you, then encourage an aunt, uncle, priest, rabbi, teacher, friend to be their secondary support system if they ever need to be bailed out or get a ride home.
10) Give Other Reasons Not to Smoke:
I constantly talk to teens about smoking and always give them non-health class reasons not to smoke which, I believe, appeal more to their interests. I always stress to girls the aging effects of smoking. I spoke to a group of 16 year-olds about ‘anti-partying’ and gave them my reasons not to smoke (they were shocked, because they were so a-typical)
-At a prestigious internship interview, a friend got offered the job and when they asked for a drug test, he knew couldn’t pass it and they took back the offer.
-Gives you lip wrinkles.
-The smoke makes your teeth yellow
-Lowers your sperm count
-Makes you taste bad when you kiss
-(I know a little crude) makes oral sex for your partner taste bad.
-Make allergies worse
-You never know who is going to take an incriminating picture and post it somewhere, or use it against you later.
11) Give Them Excuses
Ok, so maybe they have the self-esteem to say no, and maybe they agree with the reasons above to say no, but sometimes people will not let up with the “just take one hit!, Just try it!” So, think of excuses for them to use. Here are some that I have given and tell teens to use:
-It makes me really sleepy, and I am no fun when all I want to do is sleep.
-I am on a diet, it gives me uncontrollable munchies and I am not giving up my summer goal for one hit.
-It makes me sneeze.
-My parents/job/school/coach drug test me.
-My parents are waiting for me when I get home, and they will smell it/notice it.
-I have dance class/practice/a run tomorrow and I can never perform as well.
-I hate the taste.
**Offer to be the reason! My parents told me to clearly tell people that they were watching me like hawks and that I would get in big trouble if I smoked. This almost always works, because everyone understands strict parents. So tell them to use you as the reason…after all there is some truth to it!
Stay Informed and don’t give up!
Therefore, I always tell parents, it is extremely difficult to try to shield a kid today from being exposed to pot because it is so prominent. I believe parents, and what I do with many of my clients, need to spend their efforts trying to equip kids to make the right choices, so when they are exposed to it, they will choose not to smoke.
To be very honest, no matter how strict a curfew you have, how often you drug test your kids, or whether they are an athlete, a scholar or a jock (see Teens Dealing Urine Post), your kid will always find a way to smoke marijuana if they want to. They key is making sure they do not want to.
1) Ask Questions
Before you dive into trying to equip them with the power to ‘say no,’ try to gauge their level of involvement. Ask the tough questions. I am not saying to grill them before they go out, but showing them you are paying attention and are very involved is important and you can get an idea of how much or how little you know about their social life.
2) Listen to the Answers
Most times, when I hear parents talk to their kids, parents do ask questions, but then answer the questions themselves. A question, and then silence will get you a long way. For some reason, even after we have already given a one-word answer, if we feel you are still waiting for more, we either get nervous (a sign we are hiding something) or splurge and let our mouths go. Also look at your kid’s immediate facial response as soon as you ask a question. We are not as good at hiding our emotions and you might be able to gauge a lot by watching our reaction.
3) Look at Their Friends
I constantly hear the “well, it’s not my kid because…” response when I do speaking engagements on this topic. If you feel your child is either an angel or unreadable, look at their friends behavior. Have they gotten in trouble? Are they the ones who make the decisions where to go on the weekends? Friend’s behavior means everything in the world of pot.
4) Talk to Your Friends and Other Parents
Get informed about the pot culture in general and in your specific community. I post frequently on this topic and what kids are doing right now, so you can stay a step ahead. I highly recommend getting together with parent friends and talking about what your kids are doing and sharing notes about what they think is going on.
5) Don’t Lecture!
If you think we are doing pot, dabbling in pot, seeing it at parties or just want to talk to us about it, please talk, don’t lecture. I promise, we have heard all of the negative sides to smoking weed in health class. As soon as you start lecturing us, we stop listening. So, instead of approaching it like a health teacher, ask questions and let us come to our own conclusion, usually we know what is right or wrong, and if we feel like you are talking to us about it, not at us, at least we will come to you if we have questions or problems down the road.
6) Find Out Why:
This is tricky, it is important to understand that, today, pot is not only for ‘the stoner’ kids. All different kinds of kids are doing it and it has become a sort of social unifier. A drama kid and a jock might not hang out at a party, but if they get to the party and share a joint, they are friends. It is really important to understand this new social aspect and that it permeates all kinds of peer groups.
7) Build their Esteem:
If you cannot prevent them from encountering pot, you can empower them to make the right choices. I do believe there is peer pressure to smoke (see video). It is hard to say no when it feels like everyone is doing it and you know that if you smoke, you have the chance to be friends with that jock, who would never talk to you other wise. So encourage them to do esteem building activities, like running for student council, working out, or doing a hobby and help them be proud of who they are by engaging in their unique qualities.
8) Offer Other Activities:
When you talk to your parent friends, make sure everyone is on the same page with curfews and activities. If there is a semi-formal or prom coming up, offer to host a substance-free after party, host bbqs and movie nights. I think many kids smoke simply because there is nothing better to do.
9) Offer Other Options:
As horrible as it sounds, if your kid wants to smoke, they will find a way. Make sure that they know never to drive high. If you think they are smoking and you cannot do anything about it (sometimes it happens), then at least tell them to call you if they are ever in a situation and they will not get in trouble. Many, many, kids drive high or drunk and this worries me more than anything. If you do not think they would call you, then encourage an aunt, uncle, priest, rabbi, teacher, friend to be their secondary support system if they ever need to be bailed out or get a ride home.
10) Give Other Reasons Not to Smoke:
I constantly talk to teens about smoking and always give them non-health class reasons not to smoke which, I believe, appeal more to their interests. I always stress to girls the aging effects of smoking. I spoke to a group of 16 year-olds about ‘anti-partying’ and gave them my reasons not to smoke (they were shocked, because they were so a-typical)
-At a prestigious internship interview, a friend got offered the job and when they asked for a drug test, he knew couldn’t pass it and they took back the offer.
-Gives you lip wrinkles.
-The smoke makes your teeth yellow
-Lowers your sperm count
-Makes you taste bad when you kiss
-(I know a little crude) makes oral sex for your partner taste bad.
-Make allergies worse
-You never know who is going to take an incriminating picture and post it somewhere, or use it against you later.
11) Give Them Excuses
Ok, so maybe they have the self-esteem to say no, and maybe they agree with the reasons above to say no, but sometimes people will not let up with the “just take one hit!, Just try it!” So, think of excuses for them to use. Here are some that I have given and tell teens to use:
-It makes me really sleepy, and I am no fun when all I want to do is sleep.
-I am on a diet, it gives me uncontrollable munchies and I am not giving up my summer goal for one hit.
-It makes me sneeze.
-My parents/job/school/coach drug test me.
-My parents are waiting for me when I get home, and they will smell it/notice it.
-I have dance class/practice/a run tomorrow and I can never perform as well.
-I hate the taste.
**Offer to be the reason! My parents told me to clearly tell people that they were watching me like hawks and that I would get in big trouble if I smoked. This almost always works, because everyone understands strict parents. So tell them to use you as the reason…after all there is some truth to it!
Stay Informed and don’t give up!
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