Youth gang activity is a significant problem in the United States. The following are statistics related to youth violence and gang activities:
14 percent of teens are gang members (according to a survey in Denver)
89 percent of serious violent crimes committed by teens were committed by gang members
Gang members are 60 percent more likely to be killed
The average age of a gang member is 17 to 18 years old
25 percent of gang members are between the age of 15 and 17
Police reports indicate that 6 percent of gang members are female and that 39 percent of gangs have female members
Of female gang members:
78 percent have been in a gang fight
65 percent carry a weapon for protection
39 percent have attacked someone with a weapon
Youth gang activity by area type:
72 percent of large cities
33 percent of small cities
56 percent of suburban counties
24 percent of rural counties
51 percent overall
Youth gang activity by region:
74 percent in the West
52 percent in the Midwest
49 percent in the South
31 percent in the Northeast
51 percent overall
For more information on Teen Gangs.
By Sue Scheff, Parents Universal Resource Experts
Monday, March 31, 2008
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff) - Teen Dating Violence and Cell Phones
“It’s a loss that you can’t comprehend; it’s a void that can never be filled again.”
– Tom Santoro, father
Studies show that one in three teenage girls has been in a relationship where she has feared for her safety. One in five has been physically abused; one in four has been verbally abused. Even when your daughter is at home, that doesn’t mean she is out of harm’s way.
“The old saying, “If I can’t have her, no one else can’ came true for Lisa,” says Tom Santoro, Lisa’s father.
Lisa Santoro, 18, was brutally murdered by her ex-boyfriend.
“It’s a loss that you can’t comprehend; it’s a void that can never be filled again,” says her father.
In the weeks between their break-up and her death, Lisa’s ex-boyfriend, Timothy Bucholz, began stalking her.
“We found out afterwards that he kept calling her after the breakup. We found out he started to follow her around,” says Santoro.
According to a survey by Teenage Research Unlimited, one in three teens is a victim of cyber-stalking -- harassment either by phone calls or text messages.
“He would call and cry, say that he was upset that she had broken up with him. There were other conversations where he started telling her that he wanted all his stuff back,” says Laura Mejia, Lisa’s friend.
Experts say it can be hard to tell that your teen is being stalked, especially if she has her own cell phone. But there are warning signs.
“You see differences in the way your child behaves. There may be depression, there may be isolation, there may be a nervousness around the telephone ringing. There may be telephone calls coming to your child’s cell phone all hours of the night. You hear the phone ring several times, it‘s the same person,” says Kim Frndak, domestic violence specialist.
“Maybe the child sees the caller ID and puts the phone away,” Frndak continues. “They may or may not want to tell you what’s going on, but that’s a big red flag -- the harassing phone calls and stalking behaviors.”
Frndak says if the harassment continues, call the parents of the stalker.
“You may get some resistance, but there’s absolutely nothing wrong with saying ‘I’m going to call’ because chances are if he’s behaving this way towards your daughter, he’s done it in the past with other people,” says Frndak.
“And she has got to realize you’re doing this for her protection. I know as a teenager they don’t like it, but it’s something you have to do as a parent,” says Santoro.
Tips for Parents
Abuse can be physical, emotional or sexual. Slapping, hitting and kicking are forms of physical abuse that can occur in both romances and friendships. (Nemours Foundation)
Dating abuse is linked to patterns of violence that may negatively affect future relationships. If your child has been abused or is participating in some of the risky behaviors listed above, encourage him or her to seek help from a doctor or mental health professional to cope with emotions or to learn how to stop unhealthy habits and behaviors. (Nemours Foundation)
Emotional abuse (teasing, bullying and humiliating others) can be difficult to recognize because it doesn't leave any visible scars. Threats, intimidation, putdowns, and betrayal are all harmful forms of emotional abuse that can really hurt. (Nemours Foundation)
You may be involved in an abusive relationship when someone …
harms you physically in any way, including slapping, pushing, grabbing, shaking, smacking, kicking, and punching.
tries to control different aspects of your life, such as how you dress, who you hang out with, what you say.
frequently humiliates you or makes you feel unworthy (for example, if a partner puts you down but tells you that he or she loves you).
coerces or threatens to harm you, or harm himself, if you leave the relationship.
twists the truth to make you feel that you are to blame for your his actions.
demands to know where you are at all times.
constantly becomes jealous or angry when you want to spend time with your friends.
If you believe you are in an abusive relationship and you want to end it, experts recommend:
First, make sure you're safe. A trusted adult can help. If the person has physically attacked you, get medical attention or call the police immediately. Don’t wait; assault is illegal, and so is rape — even if it's done by someone you are dating. (Nemours Foundation)
Avoid the tendency to isolate yourself from your friends and family. You might feel like you have nowhere to turn, or you might be embarrassed about what's been going on, but this is when you need support the most. People such as counselors, doctors, teachers, coaches, and friends will want to help you, so let them. (Nemours Foundation)
Ending abuse and violence in teen relationships is a community effort with plenty of people ready to help. Seek out crisis centers, teen help lines and abuse hotlines. These organizations have professionally-trained staff to listen, understand and help. (Nemours Foundation)
– Tom Santoro, father
Studies show that one in three teenage girls has been in a relationship where she has feared for her safety. One in five has been physically abused; one in four has been verbally abused. Even when your daughter is at home, that doesn’t mean she is out of harm’s way.
“The old saying, “If I can’t have her, no one else can’ came true for Lisa,” says Tom Santoro, Lisa’s father.
Lisa Santoro, 18, was brutally murdered by her ex-boyfriend.
“It’s a loss that you can’t comprehend; it’s a void that can never be filled again,” says her father.
In the weeks between their break-up and her death, Lisa’s ex-boyfriend, Timothy Bucholz, began stalking her.
“We found out afterwards that he kept calling her after the breakup. We found out he started to follow her around,” says Santoro.
According to a survey by Teenage Research Unlimited, one in three teens is a victim of cyber-stalking -- harassment either by phone calls or text messages.
“He would call and cry, say that he was upset that she had broken up with him. There were other conversations where he started telling her that he wanted all his stuff back,” says Laura Mejia, Lisa’s friend.
Experts say it can be hard to tell that your teen is being stalked, especially if she has her own cell phone. But there are warning signs.
“You see differences in the way your child behaves. There may be depression, there may be isolation, there may be a nervousness around the telephone ringing. There may be telephone calls coming to your child’s cell phone all hours of the night. You hear the phone ring several times, it‘s the same person,” says Kim Frndak, domestic violence specialist.
“Maybe the child sees the caller ID and puts the phone away,” Frndak continues. “They may or may not want to tell you what’s going on, but that’s a big red flag -- the harassing phone calls and stalking behaviors.”
Frndak says if the harassment continues, call the parents of the stalker.
“You may get some resistance, but there’s absolutely nothing wrong with saying ‘I’m going to call’ because chances are if he’s behaving this way towards your daughter, he’s done it in the past with other people,” says Frndak.
“And she has got to realize you’re doing this for her protection. I know as a teenager they don’t like it, but it’s something you have to do as a parent,” says Santoro.
Tips for Parents
Abuse can be physical, emotional or sexual. Slapping, hitting and kicking are forms of physical abuse that can occur in both romances and friendships. (Nemours Foundation)
Dating abuse is linked to patterns of violence that may negatively affect future relationships. If your child has been abused or is participating in some of the risky behaviors listed above, encourage him or her to seek help from a doctor or mental health professional to cope with emotions or to learn how to stop unhealthy habits and behaviors. (Nemours Foundation)
Emotional abuse (teasing, bullying and humiliating others) can be difficult to recognize because it doesn't leave any visible scars. Threats, intimidation, putdowns, and betrayal are all harmful forms of emotional abuse that can really hurt. (Nemours Foundation)
You may be involved in an abusive relationship when someone …
harms you physically in any way, including slapping, pushing, grabbing, shaking, smacking, kicking, and punching.
tries to control different aspects of your life, such as how you dress, who you hang out with, what you say.
frequently humiliates you or makes you feel unworthy (for example, if a partner puts you down but tells you that he or she loves you).
coerces or threatens to harm you, or harm himself, if you leave the relationship.
twists the truth to make you feel that you are to blame for your his actions.
demands to know where you are at all times.
constantly becomes jealous or angry when you want to spend time with your friends.
If you believe you are in an abusive relationship and you want to end it, experts recommend:
First, make sure you're safe. A trusted adult can help. If the person has physically attacked you, get medical attention or call the police immediately. Don’t wait; assault is illegal, and so is rape — even if it's done by someone you are dating. (Nemours Foundation)
Avoid the tendency to isolate yourself from your friends and family. You might feel like you have nowhere to turn, or you might be embarrassed about what's been going on, but this is when you need support the most. People such as counselors, doctors, teachers, coaches, and friends will want to help you, so let them. (Nemours Foundation)
Ending abuse and violence in teen relationships is a community effort with plenty of people ready to help. Seek out crisis centers, teen help lines and abuse hotlines. These organizations have professionally-trained staff to listen, understand and help. (Nemours Foundation)
References
Nemours Foundation
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Sue Scheff: Invincibility Theory Among Teens
By Connect with Kids“I just like to see how far I can go and what I can do and what I can accomplish out[side] of the everyday norm.”
– Allan, 17
It has been said a thousand times: the biggest reason kids drink and drive, take drugs and do all kinds of crazy, dangerous stunts is that they think they’re immortal, invincible and bullet-proof. But is this what teenagers really think?
“It’s a sense of freedom, I guess,” says Allan, 17.
Allan is a self-proclaimed risk-taker.
“I just like to see how far I can go and what I can do and what I can accomplish out[side] of the everyday norm,” says Allan.
Risky behaviors can include rock-climbing, skydiving, street racing and even unprotected sex. It’s often said that teenagers feel invincible – but do they really feel this way? Researchers at UC San Francisco say no. In fact, they found that teenagers actually overestimate the danger of certain activities. And, while they know there are risks, they think the benefits and the fun are worth it.
“[Teenagers] are -- compared to an adult -- relatively uninformed. And if they are a novice and inexperienced with alcohol, drugs or sex, or any of those things -- as everyone is in the beginning -- they don’t know what to expect. Very often they don’t fully understand the complete nature of the risks they’re taking,” says Jeffrey Rothweiler, Ph.D., clinical psychologist.
“It might be that because the frontal lobes are not yet fully developed during adolescence that they’re more likely to make decisions, that they don’t fully think through the consequences of their actions,” says Elizabeth Sowell, Ph.D., neuroscientist. The prefrontal cortex matures the most between the ages of 12 and 20.
Allan knows there is a potential for injury with some of the risky actions he takes.
“I guess death is a factor, or getting paralyzed or … hitting the ground while you’re climbing. But you just try not to think about it, keep a positive attitude,” says Allan.
But in his mind, the benefits are worth it.
“Just being able to look back and see that you’ve done something. That you’ve accomplished ... a rapid or a rock or a trail or something like that,” says Allan.
Tips for Parents
Research shows that certain approaches to parenting can help prevent teens from engaging in all types of risky behaviors, from drug and alcohol use to dangerous driving to sexual activity. This includes having a warm, loving and close relationship with your teen; setting and consistently enforcing clear rules and consequences; closely monitoring your teen's activities and whereabouts; respecting your teen; and setting a good example, especially when it comes to illicit drug and alcohol use. (Office of National Drug Control Policy)
Encourage safe driving, healthy eating and good school performance; discourage drug use, teen sex and activities that may result in injury. (U.S. Department of Health & Human Services, HHS)
Teach healthy habits. Teach your teenager how to maintain a high level of overall health through nutrition, physical fitness and healthy behaviors. Make sure your teen gets eight hours of sleep a night -- a good night’s sleep helps ensure maximum performance in academics and sports. Sleep is the body’s way of storing new information to memory and allowing muscles to heal. (HHS)
Promote safe driving habits. Make sure your teenager uses a seat belt every time he or she is in a car, and ask your child to ensure that all other passengers are wearing their seatbelts when he or she is driving. Encourage your young driver to drive responsibly by following speed limits and avoiding distractions while driving such as talking on a cell phone, focusing on the radio or even looking at fellow passengers instead of the road. (HHS)
Promotion of school success. Help your teen to become responsible for attendance, homework and course selection. Be sure to have conversations with your child about school and show your interest in his or her school activities. (HHS)
Prevent violence. Prevent bullying by encouraging peaceful resolutions and building positive relationships. Teach teens to respect others and encourage tolerance. Teach your teens that there is no place for verbal or physical violence by setting an example with your words and actions and by showing them respect as well. (HHS)
Know the 4“W’s”—who, what, when, where. Always know who your teen is hanging out with, what they will be doing, when and for how long they will be out, and where they will be. And check up on your child. Be aware of the dangers that can arise at teenage parties. Teen parties present an opportunity for your teen to experiment with alcohol or tobacco. One approach is to host the party so you have more control over ensuring that these parties stay safe and fun for everyone involved. (HHS)
References
Office of National Drug Control Policy
U.S. Department of Health & Human Services (HHS)
Monday, March 17, 2008
Sue Scheff: Teen Mischief
Teens and Vandalism
The US Department of Justice defines vandalism as "willful or malicious destruction, injury, disfigurement, or defacement of any public or private property." Vandalism can encompass many different acts, including graffiti, public unrest, rioting, and other types of criminal mischief, like breaking windows or arson. Even seemingly harmless pranks like egging and toilet papering homes are considered vandalism in most states.
Unfortunately, many acts of vandalism may go unnoticed in the home, because teens can easily avoid bringing any evidence back with them. This is why it is of particular importance that parents make an effort to know where their teens are at all times. Keeping an open dialogue with your teen about his schedule and friends can help you to better keep tabs on him. A teen that knows his parents care is more likely to avoid criminally mischievous behaviors in the first place.
If you suspect your teen is engaging in vandalism, don't be afraid to discuss your fears with your teen. While again, it is important to not be accusatory, you should leave no doubt in your teen's mind that you believe any act of vandalism- big or small- is wrong. Often, teens think vandalism is a 'victimless crime'; in other words, they don't believe they're hurting anyone by spray painting graffiti on a brick building, or tossing a few eggs at a neighbor's car. This kind of thinking is your perfect segue into teaching your teen just how wrong vandalism can be. When your teen defiantly tells you that "nobody got hurt," explain to them that by spray-painting the façade of his high school, they costs the taxpayers (including you) money to have the graffiti covered and the crime investigated.
Remind them that the money for these repairs has to come from somewhere, and that every dollar wasted to fix vandalism is a dollar that must now be cut from somewhere else. Maybe the school will have one less dance, or will be forced to cut out arts programs or programs for under privileged students. If your teen has been egging homes, point out the waste of food that some families cannot even afford. Remind them that someone will have to scrape the dried egg off your neighbor's windshield, possibly making him late for work, costing him time and money.
Find out more about Teen Mischief.
by Sue Scheffand Parents Universal Resource Experts.
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Sue Scheff: Teen Defiance
We have found that children that have ODD (Oppositional Defiance Disorder) are very confrontational and need to have life their own way. A child does not have to be diagnosed ODD to be defiant. It is a trait that some teens experience through their puberty years. Defiant teens, disrespectful teens, angry teens and rebellious teens can affect the entire family.
An effective way to work with defiant teens is through anger and stress management classes. If you have a local therapist*, ask them if they offer these classes.
Most will have them along with support groups and other beneficial classes. In today's teens we are seeing that defiant teens have taken it to a new level. Especially if your child is also ADD/ADHD, the ODD combination can literally pull a family apart.
You will find yourself wondering what you ever did to deserve the way your child is treating you. It is very sad, yet very real. Please know that many families are experiencing this feeling of destruction within their home.
Many wonder "why" and unfortunately each child is different with a variety of issues they are dealing with. Once a child is placed into proper treatment, the healing process can begin.If you feel your teen is in need of further Boarding School, Military School or Program Options, please complete our Information Request Form.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Sue Scheff: At Risk Teenagers
by Connect with Kids
The Risk Within
Today, the number-one killer of adolescents is not disease or illness; it is accidental injury, often caused by risky behavior. Kids’ lives depend on the choices they make - choices to drink and drive, to take drugs, to have unprotected sex - or to say no.
Of course, not all risks are harmful, and in fact, taking some risks - trying out for a sports team or the school play, asking someone out, learning a new skill - is a valuable part of growing up. What can you do to help children make smart choices? How can you prevent them from hurting themselves or others?
Kids don’t always listen to adult warnings about the consequences of risky behaviors... but they will listen to the kids in The Risk Within- kids they can relate to... stories they can learn from and talk about with parents and teachers.
This Connect with Kids has been awarded the Parents’ Choice Award. Programs are used in homes and schools across the country, recommended by teachers, Safe and Drug Free Counselors, health counselors and other educators.
***************************
Do you have a struggling teen? At risk teens? Defiant Teen? Teen Depression? Problem Teen? Difficult Teen? Teen Rage? Teen Anger? Teen Drug Use? Teen Gangs? Teen Runaways? Bipolar? ADD/ADHD? Disrespectful Teen? Out of Control Teen? Peer Pressure?
Find about more about Boarding Schools, Military Schools, Christian Boarding Schools, Residential Treatment Centers, and Therapeutic Boarding Schools.
The Risk Within
Today, the number-one killer of adolescents is not disease or illness; it is accidental injury, often caused by risky behavior. Kids’ lives depend on the choices they make - choices to drink and drive, to take drugs, to have unprotected sex - or to say no.
Of course, not all risks are harmful, and in fact, taking some risks - trying out for a sports team or the school play, asking someone out, learning a new skill - is a valuable part of growing up. What can you do to help children make smart choices? How can you prevent them from hurting themselves or others?
Kids don’t always listen to adult warnings about the consequences of risky behaviors... but they will listen to the kids in The Risk Within- kids they can relate to... stories they can learn from and talk about with parents and teachers.
This Connect with Kids has been awarded the Parents’ Choice Award. Programs are used in homes and schools across the country, recommended by teachers, Safe and Drug Free Counselors, health counselors and other educators.
***************************
Do you have a struggling teen? At risk teens? Defiant Teen? Teen Depression? Problem Teen? Difficult Teen? Teen Rage? Teen Anger? Teen Drug Use? Teen Gangs? Teen Runaways? Bipolar? ADD/ADHD? Disrespectful Teen? Out of Control Teen? Peer Pressure?
Find about more about Boarding Schools, Military Schools, Christian Boarding Schools, Residential Treatment Centers, and Therapeutic Boarding Schools.
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Sue Scheff: Coping with Bullies
Invisible Weapon - by Connect with Kids
Adults may think children bullies are just a part of growing up, but what if it was your kids saying things like this about bullying at school:
"I had nowhere to go, no one to tell. I thought I was fat and stupid and no one wanted be around me.” - Sarah
“They called me four-eyes, homo…until I started to believe it.” - Alex
“I was scared all the time to go to school.” - Jay
Invisible Weapons is a moving half-hour video that’s ideal for parents and children to watch and learn together. Painful, true stories show how kids are taunted and teased by children bullies, harassed and excluded, and how bullying at school made them victims of nasty rumors and gossip.
It’s More Than Just Bullying at School
Bullies and “mean girls” leave wounds that often go deeper than broken bones and bloody noses. You’ll hear from victims as they tell how bullying at school affected their grades, their self-confidence and their relationships.
Listen as children bullies themselves share their stories and regrets. “Maybe I thought making fun of Sarah was cool,” says Ashley, “or that it would make me have more friends.”
There are ways to stop this kind of emotional pain. Hear what experts have to say by ordering Invisible Weapons to learn what you can do about children bullies.
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