Many parents with teens today may be scratching their head with today’s generation of teens and their techology, choice of friends, attitude, entitlement issues and more. One of my favorite Blogs – FINK – (Family Interaction Nurtures Kids) offers some great advice on how to raise your teen in a positive direction. I know today it is not the easiest task, but FINK always seems to give us tips we can relate to! Visit www.finkblog.com for more great articles!
Source: FINK Blog
Here are some tips for you on things you need to be ensuring that your teenager learns along the journey of life.
The six life lessons that your teen is not been taught at school.
Life lesson One – Know yourself – Good grades are only one part of the equation.
Successful teens know that grades are only one part of the equation. Getting good graded cannot ensure that you have a successful and happy future. It takes more than that, it takes an understand of who you are as a person, your qualities, abilities and strengths. They are aware of their weakness and choose to use them for and not against themselves. They know what they value and how they want to live their lives and above all they are true to themselves.
Life Lesson Two – I love me.
Successful teens learn to accept themselves and they know that despite what is said to them that they do have the power within to do and be anything they choose. They know the power of self-belief and understand that failure is success waiting to be born bigger; they thrive on failures, learn from them and move on. They learn to accept the things about themselves they cannot change and they listen carefully to criticism from others, taking away only what is true for them. They can distinguish between someone’s opinion of them and how they feel about themselves, they are not affected by the thoughts of others.
Life lesson Three – Manage yourself- the only person I can control is myself.
Successful teens know that the only person that they can control is themselves. They are well aware that you cannot get anyone else to do anything and they have given up trying to change others, knowing that the only person they can change is themselves. They are aware of their feelings and the part they play in their lives and their relationships. They can distinguish between facts and feelings and can creatively solve problems.
Life Lesson Four – Take responsibility – What I give out is what I get back.
Successful teens know that responsibility is important. They understand with every right they have as young people they have a responsibility too. They are acutely aware of how their actions can affect others and strive to be role models for the behaviour they want to see towards them. They understand the value of support and never attempt anything alone. They treat others how they want to be treated.
Life Lesson Five – Plan for the Future – Failing to plan is planning to fail.
Every successful teen has a plan; they know where they want to go and how they are going to get there. They realise that success does not happen by chance. They realise that they have a purpose in life and their future will be in line with this; they are aware of the contribution they will make to society. They are relentless in the pursuit of their future.
Life Lesson Six – Become financially confident – Getting a job is only one way to make money.
The financially intelligent teen knows that money does not grow on trees and that to be rich is a planned adventure. They know the difference between spending, saving and investing and they seek first to invest before spending. They know that having a wonderful career and having a life full of “things” is not a recipe to be rich. They value the entrepreneurism that they have and strive to run their own business alongside what they do. They do not buy in to the “Study hard, get good grades get a good job and all will be well” mentality. They strive to learn as much about money as they do about anything else. They are not afraid of money. They do not shy away from it, they embrace it
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Friday, May 15, 2009
Sue Scheff: Hazing, Bullying and Teasing
Source: Connect with Kids
Hazing was created as a way to develop teamwork and unity among a group of individuals. It was also designed to “prove one’s worth.” While trust, devotion and determination are important attributes to possess, many organizations who participate in hazing take it to the extreme, turning it from a symbol of loyalty into a celebration of humiliation. Experts have developed a list of alternatives to hazing.
Plan events in which the whole group, team or organization attends (such as field trips, retreats, dances, movies and plays).
Participate in team-building activities (visiting a ropes course, playing paint ball, etc.).
Plan a social event with another group.
Develop a peer-mentor program within the group, teaming seasoned members with new members.
Work together on a community service project or plan fundraisers for local charitable organizations.
Hazing may not seem like a big deal to a lot of people. Students and parents may consider hazing a part of tradition, having fun or harmless pranks. But according to D'Arcy Lyness, a child and adolescent psychologist, viewing hazing this way only adds to the problem. It trivializes the actual dangers that exist in the act of hazing. There are steps, however, that parents can take to help prevent hazing, Lyness says.
Be educated about state anti-hazing laws (all but seven states have some sort of law applying to schools, colleges, universities and other educational institutions). Some schools – and states – may group hazing and bullying together in policies and laws.
Make sure your child's school and/or district has clearly defined policies that prohibit hazing, is taking measures to proactively prevent hazing from occurring and is acting immediately with repercussions when hazing does occur.
Ask your parent-teacher association and/or school administrators to invite a local law-enforcement official to speak to parents and/or the student body about hazing and the state's anti-hazing law.
Work with school personnel and student leaders to create powerful – and safe – experiences to promote positive alternatives to hazing that would foster cohesion in group, club and team membership.
Talk to other parents – especially those of upperclassmen and your child's sports teammates – about what their children may have seen or experienced. If you know that the problem exists at your child's school, you'll be better prepared to discuss it with your child, fellow parents and school officials.
Clichéd as it is, have the "if everyone else was jumping off the bridge, would you do it, too?" conversation with your child. Talk about why your child shouldn't feel pressured to participate in anything, even if "everyone else is doing it" or "it's always been done this way."
Talk specifically about hazing and what your child would do in a hypothetical hazing situation. Discuss how the group mentality sometimes can cause people to wait for someone else to do the right thing, stop something dangerous, speak out, etc. Discuss the topic in a way that doesn't lecture or tell your child what to think or do. Let your child know that often it takes just one person to speak out or take different action to change a situation. Others will follow if someone has the courage to be first to do something different or to be first to refuse to go along with the group.
Explain to your child that physical and mental abuse, no matter how harmless it may seem, isn't part of becoming a member of the in crowd or a specific group, and that it even may be against the law. Emphasize the importance of telling you and an adult at school whenever another kid or group of kids causes your child or anyone else physical harm.
If your child has experienced hazing, talk to school officials immediately. If physical abuse was involved, talk to your local law-enforcement agency. Though he or she may be unwilling or may feel uneasy about "telling on" peers, get precise details from your child about the incident – who, what, when, where and how.
Above all, maintain open communication with your child. Always ask what's going at school, what peers are doing, what pressures are present – physically, academically and socially. Encourage your child to come to you in any uncomfortable situation, big or small.
References
Kids Health
Stop Hazing
National School Safety Center
University of Maine
“I think that hazing by nature is not necessarily a bad thing. It's when it gets humiliating or cruel or overly anxiety-provoking and it becomes a traumatic event, we have to get rid of that.”
– John Lochridge, Ph.D., psychologist
Fifteen-year-old Sean Butkus sees hazing as a pretty normal part of team sports.
“Hazing is a way of initiating a kid and seeing if they’re determined enough’ he says. “Just like, it’s like a test to see if you know they’re gonna be there for you.”
As a freshman, Sean joined his older brother’s soccer team this fall. So he knew what to expect from hearing about his brother’s experience.
“He got his head shaved” says Sean. “And I knew maybe that would happen to me. I actually got a Mohawk.”
Psychologist John Lochridge makes the point that not all of these ‘rites of passage’ are damaging. They were originally meant to bring a group closer together through some sort of hardship, but within certain boundaries.
“I think that hazing by nature is not necessarily a bad thing,” Lochridge says. “It’s when it gets humiliating or cruel or overly anxiety-provoking and it becomes a traumatic event, we have to get rid of that.”
A new survey finds that 45 percent of high school kids have been hazed: one in four was sleep deprived and 8 percent of the kids had to drink so much they either got sick or passed out.
“There’s just not enough supervisors to see what’s happening in every room – what’s happening in the bathroom, the locker room – there’s just so many places where so many things can happen,” Sean says.
Experts say the key is for the adults in charge to be proactive, to be alert, to ask questions and to make boundaries clear at the beginning of the year or the start of the season.
“There needs to be no sexuality involved and no abuse, no nudity, no humiliation – those kinds of things are above and beyond,” says Lochridge.
And coaches in particular can make sure they pick the right kids to be the team leaders.
It helps to have captains who are approachable, who are mature enough to listen to the new kids, Lochridge states.
“You want a relationship somewhere between the kids where the ones who are being hazed can go to the older ones and say, look, this is enough,” he adds. “It’s gone over the line. It’s getting inappropriate. And hopefully, the older ones have the wisdom to respond to that.”
Sean was lucky. His team captains were responsible and his experience was all in good fun.
“I mean, we still laugh about it,” he says. “I liked it.”
Tips for Parents
– John Lochridge, Ph.D., psychologist
Fifteen-year-old Sean Butkus sees hazing as a pretty normal part of team sports.
“Hazing is a way of initiating a kid and seeing if they’re determined enough’ he says. “Just like, it’s like a test to see if you know they’re gonna be there for you.”
As a freshman, Sean joined his older brother’s soccer team this fall. So he knew what to expect from hearing about his brother’s experience.
“He got his head shaved” says Sean. “And I knew maybe that would happen to me. I actually got a Mohawk.”
Psychologist John Lochridge makes the point that not all of these ‘rites of passage’ are damaging. They were originally meant to bring a group closer together through some sort of hardship, but within certain boundaries.
“I think that hazing by nature is not necessarily a bad thing,” Lochridge says. “It’s when it gets humiliating or cruel or overly anxiety-provoking and it becomes a traumatic event, we have to get rid of that.”
A new survey finds that 45 percent of high school kids have been hazed: one in four was sleep deprived and 8 percent of the kids had to drink so much they either got sick or passed out.
“There’s just not enough supervisors to see what’s happening in every room – what’s happening in the bathroom, the locker room – there’s just so many places where so many things can happen,” Sean says.
Experts say the key is for the adults in charge to be proactive, to be alert, to ask questions and to make boundaries clear at the beginning of the year or the start of the season.
“There needs to be no sexuality involved and no abuse, no nudity, no humiliation – those kinds of things are above and beyond,” says Lochridge.
And coaches in particular can make sure they pick the right kids to be the team leaders.
It helps to have captains who are approachable, who are mature enough to listen to the new kids, Lochridge states.
“You want a relationship somewhere between the kids where the ones who are being hazed can go to the older ones and say, look, this is enough,” he adds. “It’s gone over the line. It’s getting inappropriate. And hopefully, the older ones have the wisdom to respond to that.”
Sean was lucky. His team captains were responsible and his experience was all in good fun.
“I mean, we still laugh about it,” he says. “I liked it.”
Tips for Parents
Hazing was created as a way to develop teamwork and unity among a group of individuals. It was also designed to “prove one’s worth.” While trust, devotion and determination are important attributes to possess, many organizations who participate in hazing take it to the extreme, turning it from a symbol of loyalty into a celebration of humiliation. Experts have developed a list of alternatives to hazing.
Plan events in which the whole group, team or organization attends (such as field trips, retreats, dances, movies and plays).
Participate in team-building activities (visiting a ropes course, playing paint ball, etc.).
Plan a social event with another group.
Develop a peer-mentor program within the group, teaming seasoned members with new members.
Work together on a community service project or plan fundraisers for local charitable organizations.
Hazing may not seem like a big deal to a lot of people. Students and parents may consider hazing a part of tradition, having fun or harmless pranks. But according to D'Arcy Lyness, a child and adolescent psychologist, viewing hazing this way only adds to the problem. It trivializes the actual dangers that exist in the act of hazing. There are steps, however, that parents can take to help prevent hazing, Lyness says.
Be educated about state anti-hazing laws (all but seven states have some sort of law applying to schools, colleges, universities and other educational institutions). Some schools – and states – may group hazing and bullying together in policies and laws.
Make sure your child's school and/or district has clearly defined policies that prohibit hazing, is taking measures to proactively prevent hazing from occurring and is acting immediately with repercussions when hazing does occur.
Ask your parent-teacher association and/or school administrators to invite a local law-enforcement official to speak to parents and/or the student body about hazing and the state's anti-hazing law.
Work with school personnel and student leaders to create powerful – and safe – experiences to promote positive alternatives to hazing that would foster cohesion in group, club and team membership.
Talk to other parents – especially those of upperclassmen and your child's sports teammates – about what their children may have seen or experienced. If you know that the problem exists at your child's school, you'll be better prepared to discuss it with your child, fellow parents and school officials.
Clichéd as it is, have the "if everyone else was jumping off the bridge, would you do it, too?" conversation with your child. Talk about why your child shouldn't feel pressured to participate in anything, even if "everyone else is doing it" or "it's always been done this way."
Talk specifically about hazing and what your child would do in a hypothetical hazing situation. Discuss how the group mentality sometimes can cause people to wait for someone else to do the right thing, stop something dangerous, speak out, etc. Discuss the topic in a way that doesn't lecture or tell your child what to think or do. Let your child know that often it takes just one person to speak out or take different action to change a situation. Others will follow if someone has the courage to be first to do something different or to be first to refuse to go along with the group.
Explain to your child that physical and mental abuse, no matter how harmless it may seem, isn't part of becoming a member of the in crowd or a specific group, and that it even may be against the law. Emphasize the importance of telling you and an adult at school whenever another kid or group of kids causes your child or anyone else physical harm.
If your child has experienced hazing, talk to school officials immediately. If physical abuse was involved, talk to your local law-enforcement agency. Though he or she may be unwilling or may feel uneasy about "telling on" peers, get precise details from your child about the incident – who, what, when, where and how.
Above all, maintain open communication with your child. Always ask what's going at school, what peers are doing, what pressures are present – physically, academically and socially. Encourage your child to come to you in any uncomfortable situation, big or small.
References
Kids Health
Stop Hazing
National School Safety Center
University of Maine
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Sue Scheff: Teen Violence - Learn Prevention
It comes to a point where you are almost afraid to turn on the news. Kids with guns, teens shooting teens, threats, bullying and more - it is time for parents to take the time and learn more. Talk to your kids - open those lines of communication. Raising kids today has become more challenging than ever. I hear from parents almost on a daily basis and I am stunned at what these kids are learning and doing at such a young age.
Source: Connect with Kids
Can Students Prevent Violence by Telling?
“He was saying ‘I’m gonna kill people,’ everyone took it as a joke. I can’t say that I would take it any differently.”
– Joanna, 15, talking about the school shooting in Santee, California
A student who seems strange, a comment that sounds frightening … how can students tell who’s serious and who isn’t, what’s a joke and what’s a real threat?
The problem is students say those kinds of ‘jokes’ are made all the time.
“I’ve had friends who were just like, ‘man I just want to kill that teacher’ or ‘I just hate it here and want to blow up the school,’” says Tara-Lynn, a high school junior, “I’ve probably said things like that myself.”
“I mean I hear people say that all the time. I don’t take it seriously,” adds Joanna, a freshman.
When should students take it seriously? They’re in a bind. If they tell on someone, they’re called a rat or a snitch. If they don’t tell, someone could die or be injured. Always in the back of their mind, what if they tell on someone… and they’re wrong?
“How do you know you’re not gonna just end up crying ‘wolf’ all the time, every time a kid makes a threat,” says Cliff, a junior.
How should kids evaluate a threat? Experts say first, kids should follow their instincts. If something another student says doesn’t feel right, even just a little bit, it probably isn’t.
“Either afraid, or guilty, or this is just going against my values, it doesn’t feel right,” says psychologist Dr. Wendy Blumenthal.
Then find an adult you trust. Someone you can trust to protect your anonymity. Someone you can trust not to panic when you tell them you’re worried.
Maybe that’s your parents, but it could also be a school counselor, a minister from your church or a coach.
Because if a disaster happens and you stay silent about what you heard, just think how that would make you feel.
“Because if we take everything for granted,” says Crystal, a junior, “this (the school shooting in California) is what can happen.”
Tips for Parents
Source: Connect with Kids
Can Students Prevent Violence by Telling?
“He was saying ‘I’m gonna kill people,’ everyone took it as a joke. I can’t say that I would take it any differently.”
– Joanna, 15, talking about the school shooting in Santee, California
A student who seems strange, a comment that sounds frightening … how can students tell who’s serious and who isn’t, what’s a joke and what’s a real threat?
The problem is students say those kinds of ‘jokes’ are made all the time.
“I’ve had friends who were just like, ‘man I just want to kill that teacher’ or ‘I just hate it here and want to blow up the school,’” says Tara-Lynn, a high school junior, “I’ve probably said things like that myself.”
“I mean I hear people say that all the time. I don’t take it seriously,” adds Joanna, a freshman.
When should students take it seriously? They’re in a bind. If they tell on someone, they’re called a rat or a snitch. If they don’t tell, someone could die or be injured. Always in the back of their mind, what if they tell on someone… and they’re wrong?
“How do you know you’re not gonna just end up crying ‘wolf’ all the time, every time a kid makes a threat,” says Cliff, a junior.
How should kids evaluate a threat? Experts say first, kids should follow their instincts. If something another student says doesn’t feel right, even just a little bit, it probably isn’t.
“Either afraid, or guilty, or this is just going against my values, it doesn’t feel right,” says psychologist Dr. Wendy Blumenthal.
Then find an adult you trust. Someone you can trust to protect your anonymity. Someone you can trust not to panic when you tell them you’re worried.
Maybe that’s your parents, but it could also be a school counselor, a minister from your church or a coach.
Because if a disaster happens and you stay silent about what you heard, just think how that would make you feel.
“Because if we take everything for granted,” says Crystal, a junior, “this (the school shooting in California) is what can happen.”
Tips for Parents
Police have been able to prevent several ‘Columbine-like’ massacres at US schools recently–thanks to tips from students. Students notified school officials after learning that other students planned to carry out violent acts. And while kids are more willing to report threats of violence after Columbine, experts say parents should explain to their children that there is a difference between ‘telling’ and ‘tattling.’
According to the National Education Association (NEA):
Children ‘tattle’ to get their own way or to get someone else in trouble.
Children should be encouraged to ‘tell’ an adult when someone is in danger of getting hurt.
Some schools have started anonymous hotlines so that parents or children can provide information that could alert authorities to potential problems.
According to the American Psychological Association one in 12 high schoolers is threatened or injured with a weapon each year. To reduce that risk, the APA lists several ‘warning signs’ that kids need to recognize in other students, indications that violence is a “serious possibility”:
Loss of temper on a daily basis
Frequent physical fighting
Significant vandalism or property damage
Increase in use of drugs or alcohol
Increase in risk-taking behavior
Detailed plans to commit acts of violence
Announcing threats or plans for hurting others
Enjoying hurting animals
Carrying a weapon
Once students recognize a warning sign, the APA says there are things they can do. Hoping that someone else will deal with the problem is “the easy way out.” The advice for students:
Above all, be safe. Don’t spend time alone with people who show warning signs.
Tell someone you trust and respect about your concerns and ask for help (a family member, guidance counselor, teacher, school psychologist, coach, clergy, or friend).
If you are worried about becoming a victim of violence, get someone to protect you. Do not resort to violence or use a weapon to protect yourself.
The key to preventing violent behavior, according to the APA, is asking an experienced professional for help. The important thing to remember is, don’t go it alone.
References
National Education Association
American Psychological Association
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Teens and Body Piercing
Source: TeensHealth
What Is a Body Piercing and What Can You Expect?
A body piercing is exactly that — a piercing or puncture made in your body by a needle. After that, a piece of jewelry is inserted into the puncture. The most popular pierced body parts seem to be the ears, the nostrils, and the belly button.
If the person performing the piercing provides a safe, clean, and professional environment, this is what you should expect from getting a body part pierced:
The area you've chosen to be pierced (except for the tongue) is cleaned with a germicidal soap (a soap that kills disease-causing bacteria and microorganisms).
Your skin is then punctured with a very sharp, clean needle.
The piece of jewelry, which has already been sterilized, is attached to the area.
The person performing the piercing disposes of the needle in a special container so that there is no risk of the needle or blood touching someone else.
The pierced area is cleaned.
The person performing the piercing checks and adjusts the jewelry.
The person performing the piercing gives you instructions on how to make sure your new piercing heals correctly and what to do if there is a problem.
Read the entire article: http://teenshealth.org/teen/your_body/body_art/body_piercing_safe.html
What Is a Body Piercing and What Can You Expect?
A body piercing is exactly that — a piercing or puncture made in your body by a needle. After that, a piece of jewelry is inserted into the puncture. The most popular pierced body parts seem to be the ears, the nostrils, and the belly button.
If the person performing the piercing provides a safe, clean, and professional environment, this is what you should expect from getting a body part pierced:
The area you've chosen to be pierced (except for the tongue) is cleaned with a germicidal soap (a soap that kills disease-causing bacteria and microorganisms).
Your skin is then punctured with a very sharp, clean needle.
The piece of jewelry, which has already been sterilized, is attached to the area.
The person performing the piercing disposes of the needle in a special container so that there is no risk of the needle or blood touching someone else.
The pierced area is cleaned.
The person performing the piercing checks and adjusts the jewelry.
The person performing the piercing gives you instructions on how to make sure your new piercing heals correctly and what to do if there is a problem.
Read the entire article: http://teenshealth.org/teen/your_body/body_art/body_piercing_safe.html
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Sue Scheff: Teen Body Image
Today’s peer pressure can hinder your teens self image and what they believe they need to look like. Learn more about your child’s body image and how to enhance their self confidence. Both of these can help them to make better choices in their daily lives.
Source: TeenHealth
I’m fat. I’m too skinny. I’d be happy if I were taller, shorter, had curly hair, straight hair, a smaller nose, bigger muscles, longer legs.
Do any of these statements sound familiar? Are you used to putting yourself down? If so, you’re not alone. As a teen, you’re going through a ton of changes in your body. And as your body changes, so does your image of yourself. Lots of people have trouble adjusting, and this can affect their self-esteem.
Why Are Self-Esteem and Body Image Important?
Self-esteem is all about how much people value themselves, the pride they feel in themselves, and how worthwhile they feel. Self-esteem is important because feeling good about yourself can affect how you act. A person who has high self-esteem will make friends easily, is more in control of his or her behavior, and will enjoy life more.
Body image is how someone feels about his or her own physical appearance.
For many people, especially those in their early teens, body image can be closely linked to self-esteem. That’s because as kids develop into teens, they care more about how others see them.
What Influences a Person’s Self-Esteem?
Puberty
Some teens struggle with their self-esteem when they begin puberty because the body goes through many changes. These changes, combined with a natural desire to feel accepted, mean it can be tempting for people to compare themselves with others. They may compare themselves with the people around them or with actors and celebs they see on TV, in movies, or in magazines.
But it’s impossible to measure ourselves against others because the changes that come with puberty are different for everyone. Some people start developing early; others are late bloomers. Some get a temporary layer of fat to prepare for a growth spurt, others fill out permanently, and others feel like they stay skinny no matter how much they eat. It all depends on how our genes have programmed our bodies to act.
The changes that come with puberty can affect how both girls and guys feel about themselves. Some girls may feel uncomfortable or embarrassed about their maturing bodies. Others may wish that they were developing faster. Girls may feel pressure to be thin but guys may feel like they don’t look big or muscular enough.
Outside Influences
It’s not just development that affect self-esteem, though. Lots of other factors (like media images of skinny girls and bulked-up guys) can affect a person’s body image too.
Family life can sometimes influence a person’s self-esteem. Some parents spend more time criticizing their kids and the way they look than praising them. This criticism may reduce a person’s ability to develop good self-esteem.
People may also experience negative comments and hurtful teasing about the way they look from classmates and peers. Sometimes racial and ethnic prejudice is the source of such comments. Although these often come from ignorance, sometimes they can affect another person’s body image and self-esteem.
Healthy Self-Esteem
If you have a positive body image, you probably like and accept yourself the way you are. This healthy attitude allows you to explore other aspects of growing up, such as developing good friendships, growing more independent from your parents, and challenging yourself physically and mentally. Developing these parts of yourself can help boost your self-esteem.
A positive, optimistic attitude can help people develop strong self-esteem — for example, saying, “Hey, I’m human” instead of “Wow, I’m such a loser” when you’ve made a mistake, or not blaming others when things don’t go as expected.
Knowing what makes you happy and how to meet your goals can help you feel capable, strong, and in control of your life. A positive attitude and a healthy lifestyle (such as exercising and eating right) are a great combination for building good self-esteem.
Tips for Improving Your Body Image
Some people think they need to change how they look or act to feel good about themselves. But actually all you need to do is change the way you see your body and how you think about yourself.
The first thing to do is recognize that your body is your own, no matter what shape, size, or color it comes in. If you’re very worried about your weight or size, check with your doctor to verify that things are OK. But it’s no one’s business but your own what your body is like — ultimately, you have to be happy with yourself.
Next, identify which aspects of your appearance you can realistically change and which you can’t. Everyone (even the most perfect-seeming celeb) has things about themselves that they can’t change and need to accept — like their height, for example, or their shoe size.
If there are things about yourself that you want to change and can (such as how fit you are), do this by making goals for yourself. For example, if you want to get fit, make a plan to exercise every day and eat nutritious foods. Then keep track of your progress until you reach your goal. Meeting a challenge you set for yourself is a great way to boost self-esteem!
When you hear negative comments coming from within yourself, tell yourself to stop. Try building your self-esteem by giving yourself three compliments every day. While you’re at it, every evening list three things in your day that really gave you pleasure. It can be anything from the way the sun felt on your face, the sound of your favorite band, or the way someone laughed at your jokes. By focusing on the good things you do and the positive aspects of your life, you can change how you feel about yourself.
Where Can I Go if I Need Help?
Sometimes low self-esteem and body image problems are too much to handle alone. A few teens may become depressed, lose interest in activities or friends — and even hurt themselves or resort to alcohol or drug abuse.
If you’re feeling this way, it can help to talk to a parent, coach, religious leader, guidance counselor, therapist, or an adult friend. A trusted adult — someone who supports you and doesn’t bring you down — can help you put your body image in perspective and give you positive feedback about your body, your skills, and your abilities.
If you can’t turn to anyone you know, call a teen crisis hotline (check the yellow pages under social services or search online). The most important thing is to get help if you feel like your body image and self-esteem are affecting your life.
Reviewed by: D’Arcy Lyness, PhD
Date reviewed: March 2009
Friday, April 3, 2009
Sue Scheff: Teen Depression
As I saw on the news, experts are saying that parents with children between the ages of 12-18 should have them screened for depression. It is not about promoting medication, it is about helping to understand if there are areas in their lives that can be causing stress and anxiety that can leave to making negative choices such has experimenting with substance abuse, hanging with a less than desirable peer group, feelings of low self worth, etc. Like adults, children can be prone to depression and stress and not mature enough to understand these feelings. With this, acting out in a negative way can follow. Take time to learn more.
Source: USA Today
Experts: Doctors should screen teens for depression.
If you have teens or tweens, government-appointed experts have a message: U.S. adolescents should be routinely screened for major depression by their primary care doctors. The benefits of screening kids 12 to 18 years old outweigh any risks if doctors can assure an accurate diagnosis, treatment and follow-up care, says the independent U.S. Preventive Services Task Force.
It’s a change from the group’s 2002 report concluding there wasn’t enough evidence to support or oppose screening for teens. The task force, though, says there’s still insufficient proof about the benefits and harms of screening children 7 to 11 years old.
Depression strikes about 1 out of 20 teens, and it’s been linked to lower grades, more physical illness and drug use, as well as early pregnancy.
Questionnaires can accurately identify teens prone to depression, plus there’s new evidence that therapy and/or some antidepressants can benefit them, the expert panel says in a report in today’s Pediatrics . But careful monitoring is vital since there’s “convincing evidence” that antidepressants can increase suicidal behavior in teens, the report says.
Accompanying the task force advisory in Pediatrics is a research review saying there have been few studies on the accuracy of depression screening tests, but the tests “have performed fairly well” among adolescents. Treatment can knock down symptoms of depression, say the reviewers from Kaiser Permanente and the Oregon Evidence-Based Practice Center in Portland, Ore.
In a “show me the money” volley back, pediatricians also weigh in on the topic in today’s issue of their journal. Insurance plans and managed care companies that stiff or under-pay pediatricians for mental health services throw up barriers to mental health care in doctors’ offices, says the American Academy of Pediatrics. Kids’ doctors should be compensated for screenings, as well as consults with mental health specialists and parents, AAP recommends.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Sue Scheff: African-American Suicide
Source: Connect with Kids
“A very achieving, gentle, loving, spiritual, sweet child.”
– Doris Smith, describing her son, Mark, who committed suicide.
When he was 10 years old, Mark Smith’s mother and father divorced.
“It affected Mark greatly,” says his mother, Doris Smith. “I found out in later years he told me it devastated him.”
Throughout his teen years, Mark had trouble sleeping and eating. He also talked about death and dying --typical signs of depression.
“He was giving me all the signs and the symptoms of a person who would take their own life,” says Smith.
Finally, he did. With a gunshot to the head.
New research finds that 4 percent of all black teens will attempt suicide. And while it’s still lower than the suicide rate for whites, the gap is closing.
“We’re more aware of it, there’s more reporting of it,” explains Psychiatrist Dr. Saundra Maass-Robinson. “There’s less… I don’t want to say there’s less stigma, but there’s less reluctance for those loved ones to identify it as a suicide than in the past.”
Maass-Robinson says that in the past 18 years, approximately 50 percent of her clients have been black teens. Still, she says, too often the ones that need help never get it.
“I will more often than not hear these young men say they’ve been wanting to get help for a while but their parents have discouraged it. So the very people they turn to for help are still part of the problem.”
Maass-Robinson says if you do see signs of depression -- no matter how subtle – take action.
“As the parent, I always take the position, ‘I know something’s wrong, I’m not here debating that. I’m not here [saying] how are you doing’,” says Maass-Robinson. “If you can’t talk to me, is there anybody you can? Because if you can’t I’m going to find you somebody and we’re going to do this.”
Doris Smith will always wish she had done more…
“I miss Mark so very much,” she says. “He was my only child. There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think about him.”
Tips for Parents
– Doris Smith, describing her son, Mark, who committed suicide.
When he was 10 years old, Mark Smith’s mother and father divorced.
“It affected Mark greatly,” says his mother, Doris Smith. “I found out in later years he told me it devastated him.”
Throughout his teen years, Mark had trouble sleeping and eating. He also talked about death and dying --typical signs of depression.
“He was giving me all the signs and the symptoms of a person who would take their own life,” says Smith.
Finally, he did. With a gunshot to the head.
New research finds that 4 percent of all black teens will attempt suicide. And while it’s still lower than the suicide rate for whites, the gap is closing.
“We’re more aware of it, there’s more reporting of it,” explains Psychiatrist Dr. Saundra Maass-Robinson. “There’s less… I don’t want to say there’s less stigma, but there’s less reluctance for those loved ones to identify it as a suicide than in the past.”
Maass-Robinson says that in the past 18 years, approximately 50 percent of her clients have been black teens. Still, she says, too often the ones that need help never get it.
“I will more often than not hear these young men say they’ve been wanting to get help for a while but their parents have discouraged it. So the very people they turn to for help are still part of the problem.”
Maass-Robinson says if you do see signs of depression -- no matter how subtle – take action.
“As the parent, I always take the position, ‘I know something’s wrong, I’m not here debating that. I’m not here [saying] how are you doing’,” says Maass-Robinson. “If you can’t talk to me, is there anybody you can? Because if you can’t I’m going to find you somebody and we’re going to do this.”
Doris Smith will always wish she had done more…
“I miss Mark so very much,” she says. “He was my only child. There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think about him.”
Tips for Parents
When someone commits suicide, even people who were close to the victim often voice surprise and shock. Yet suicide is a prevalent issue, particularly among youth, who seemingly have their whole lives ahead of them. Consider the following statistics:
Suicide is the third leading cause of death for people ages 15 to 24. In fact, more teenagers and young adults die from suicide than from cancer, heart disease, AIDS, birth defects, stroke, pneumonia, influenza and chronic lung disease combined.
Risk factors for attempted suicide in youth are depression, alcohol or other drug use, and aggressive or disruptive behavior.
Over the last several decades, the suicide rate in young people has increased dramatically, nearly tripling in the last 50 years.
Male teenagers are much more likely to commit suicide than female teenagers, at a ratio of five-to-one.
Since 1980, suicide rates increased most rapidly among young black males.
According to the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, many of the symptoms of suicidal tendencies are similar to those of depression. Parents should be aware of the following signs that could indicate your child is at risk:
Change in eating and sleeping habits
Withdrawal from friends, family, and regular activities
Violent actions, rebellious behavior, or running away
Drug and alcohol use
Unusual neglect of personal appearance
Marked personality change
Persistent boredom, difficulty concentrating, or a decline in the quality of schoolwork
Frequent complaints about physical symptoms (often related to emotions) such as stomachaches, headaches, fatigue, etc.
Loss of interest in pleasurable activities
Intolerant of praise or rewards
A teenager who is planning to commit suicide may also …
Say that they are “a bad person” or feel "rotten inside."
Give verbal hints such as, "I won't be a problem for you much longer;" "Nothing matters;" "It's no use," or, "I won't see you again."
Put his or her affairs in order; for example, give away favorite possessions, clean his or her room, throw away important belongings, etc.
Become suddenly cheerful after a period of depression.
Have signs of psychosis (hallucinations or bizarre thoughts).
If a child or teen says, "I want to kill myself," or "I'm going to commit suicide," always take the statement seriously and seek evaluation from a psychiatrist and/or physician who specializes in children. People often feel uncomfortable talking about death. However, asking the child or adolescent whether he or she is depressed or thinking about suicide can be helpful. Don’t be afraid that this will "put thoughts in your child's head." Instead, asking the question lets the child know somebody cares, and can give him/her the chance to talk about his/her problems.
Experts at the American Association of Suicidology have developed the following suggestions to help deter someone who might be suicidal:
Be direct. Talk openly and matter-of-factly about suicide.
Be willing to listen. Allow expressions of feelings. Accept the feelings.
Be non-judgmental. Don’t debate whether suicide is right or wrong, or if feelings are good or bad. Don’t lecture on the value of life.
Get involved. Become available. Show interest and support.
Don’t dare him or her to do it.
Don’t act shocked. This will put distance between you.
Don’t be sworn to secrecy. Seek support.
Offer hope that alternatives are available, but do not offer glib reassurance.
Take action. Remove any means, such as guns or stockpiled pills.
Get help from doctors, therapists or agencies that specialize in crisis intervention and suicide prevention.
References
American Association of Suicidology
National Center for Health Statistics
The American Association of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry
University of Michigan
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